1
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NARRATOR. Previously on Futurama.

2
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(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

3
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(WHOOPING)

4
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(FRY EXCLAIMS)

5
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Hey?

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(SPEAKING ALIEN LANGUAGE)

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It has now been one month

8
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since space ripped open
like flimsy human skin.

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00:01:37,556 --> 00:01:40,642
Terrified earthlings
are beginning to grow exhausted.

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00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,811
(ALL SCREAMING)

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(YAWNING)

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(ALL SCREAMING)

13
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Professor, sprinkle us with
wisdom from your mighty brain.

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How scared should we be?

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Somewhere between
not at all and entirely.

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I call entirely.

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(SCREAMING)

18
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(WHOOPING)

19
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Scientists believe the rip is a gateway
to another universe,

20
00:02:04,875 --> 00:02:07,920
but do not know
what mysteries lie beyond.

21
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However, in this reporter's opinion

22
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gruesome death awaits us all!

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(LAUGHING)

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And now with sports,
here's Sportsbot 5000.

25
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All sports canceled.

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To better understand the anomaly,

27
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I will now focus its radiation
on a giant medium-sized ant

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to see what happens.

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What's going on here?
I was told there would be sugar syrup.

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Quiet, you.

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(SCREAMING)

32
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Oh, hey, everyone, this is Colleen.

33
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ALL. Hello!

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I like your shoes.

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(LAUGHING)

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This is awkward.

37
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Introducing your new girlfriend
to Chesty McNag-nag.

38
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(LAUGHING)

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Oh, don't mind him. I'll turn him off.

40
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Hey, you can't turn me off...

41
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Hi. I'm Leela.

42
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Hi, Leela, hi, everyone.

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Sorry I've been taking up
so much of Fry's time.

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He's just so interesting.

45
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Have you seen how much
cotton candy he can eat?

46
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Oh, my, yes. 5.1 pounds.

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That's why his blood
is so good on pancakes.

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Well, got to skedoodle-oodle.

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We're taking a cuddle-cab
to Hug-a-Bunny Village.

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(RETCHING)

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This lovey-dovey stuff is making me vomit

52
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from my saltwater
and freshwater stomachs.

53
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It is pretty sickening.

54
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No, the double-vomit is a sign of joy.

55
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Fry told me how he and Colleen first met.

56
00:04:03,202 --> 00:04:06,163
So, how did you and Colleen first meet?

57
00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:07,414
Well...

58
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Something about seeing it
on the Jumbotron

59
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makes it so much more real.

60
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It's so scary.

61
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What are you supposed to do

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when the whole universe
is coming to an end?

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I have a thought.

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This is gonna be juicy.

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What? Oh, man!

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Speaking of sappy love...

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Want to tell them, Kiffy?

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Yes, Amy and I have a big announcement.

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I... That is, we...

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(STAMMERING)

71
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Oh, I'm just so excited.

72
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Kif has asked me to be his Fonfon Ru.

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- Mazel tov!
- Wonderful!

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What the hell does that mean?

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It means I've asked Amy to join my family.

76
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And you're all invited to my family swamp
for our Fonfon Rubok ceremony.

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If I had ever heard of it,

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00:04:59,341 --> 00:05:01,927
it would have been
what I had always dreamed of.

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(EX CLAIMING)

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And our parents will be meeting
for the first time ever.

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(GASPING) That's even more awkward
than Fry's two bimbos meeting each other.

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Count me in.

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(TURNS BENDER OFF)

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(BAGPIPES PLAYING)

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Mr. And Mrs. Wong, aren't you excited

86
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that we're all about to be joined
in a single family?

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You can't borrow money.

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(ANNOYED GRUNT)

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Kif's parents come late
and we have to stand around in swamp

90
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getting eaten alive by damn bugs?

91
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Mrs. Wong, no.

92
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The final stage of my species' life cycle
is a colony of flying hookworms.

93
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You just squashed part of my father.

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(BUZZING LOUDLY)

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- Welcome.
- Sorry.

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I guess you got plenty of
bugs to spare though, huh?

97
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That was my left testicle.

98
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And the awkward meter
goes up another notch.

99
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(IMITATING ALARM RINGING)

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Wow, Colleen, you look so beautiful
in the light of the swamp gas.

101
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Thanks. This is really fun.

102
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I love going to exotic worlds
and getting hammered.

103
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Me, too.

104
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Two more Harvey Wallclimbers.

105
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Leela, I can't help
but notice you're unescorted.

106
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Might I escort you behind that bush
for the next five minutes?

107
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Nothing would revolt me more.

108
00:07:06,844 --> 00:07:08,470
Then how about that shrub?

109
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Ooh! Rubok is begun.

110
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I am the grand priestess.

111
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Aren't you also the grand midwife?

112
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And the grand lunch lady.

113
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I work five jobs, all grand.

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Kif of the clan Kroker,

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please trescend the Rubok Etlon
with your Fonfon Smizmar Ru.

116
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- What?
- Get in the mud.

117
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This mud is the petroleum from
a billion generations of Kif's ancestors.

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As you become one with the ooze,
so you become one with the clan Kroker.

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(RUMBLING)

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(ALL GASPING)

121
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Oh, Kif, it's like a movie
with this happening in it.

122
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Is the best man present?

123
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Guilty as charged.

124
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Kindly hose the couple.

125
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As it was, so it is.
You may now eat the snake.

126
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If you so choose.

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(BOTH EX CLAIM IN DISGUST)

128
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It's not part of the ceremony.
I just had an extra snake.

129
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Rubok is complete. Throw the bouquet.

130
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(ALL CLAMORING)

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Are you going to eat that?

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(BUZZING)

133
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BENDER. Fry, run, run.
Get over here, oh, my God, oh, my God!

134
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What? What is it?

135
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:11,301
Shut up already! Calculon's on TV!

136
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I beg you, Calculon,
don't ring that door chime.

137
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I have no choice, Monique.

138
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Whoever the blackmailer is,

139
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he lives behind this hideous
yet strangely familiar door.

140
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Calculon residence.
Oh, hello, Mr. Calculon.

141
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Son of a bit. This is my house.

142
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But that means I'm blackmailing myself.

143
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Why didn't you tell me, Monique?

144
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I tried to, but I couldn't.

145
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:44,459
Oh, Calculon, I'm afraid
you have a fourth personality

146
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the other three don't know about,
and it and I

147
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are lovers!

148
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(GASPS)

149
00:09:51,717 --> 00:09:54,386
How's Calculon going to take this, Fry,

150
00:09:54,469 --> 00:09:58,307
especially after that
humiliating tennis tournament?

151
00:09:58,348 --> 00:09:59,892
- Fry?
- Don't know, Bender.

152
00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:02,352
Tonight's my big date with Colleen.
I got to run.

153
00:10:02,394 --> 00:10:04,813
But me and you like to watch together.

154
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:09,818
Look, I got you a cabbage to snack on.
Humans like cabbage, right?

155
00:10:25,334 --> 00:10:27,085
Step right up to the 2D Tunnel of Love.

156
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Not one, not three,
but two glorious dimensions

157
00:10:30,672 --> 00:10:32,216
for the price of a single ticket.

158
00:10:33,091 --> 00:10:36,345
Keep your hands in the car,
shut up, and have fun.

159
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:42,559
Wow, you even look beautiful in 2D.

160
00:10:42,643 --> 00:10:43,685
I do?

161
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:46,396
But from your perspective,
I'm just a line segment.

162
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,440
FRY. A really hot line segment.

163
00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:50,108
So, listen, sweetie pie,

164
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I was thinking maybe we should
take this to the next step.

165
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:54,279
Really?

166
00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:56,114
Yes. Colleen...

167
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...will you be moved in with by me?

168
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(COLLEEN GASPS SOFTLY)

169
00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:07,209
- Way to go.
- Hooray, hooray.

170
00:11:07,251 --> 00:11:09,378
- That's great.
- You're moving in with her?

171
00:11:09,419 --> 00:11:11,171
Why can't she move in with us?

172
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,382
I could just curl up at the foot of the bed.

173
00:11:13,465 --> 00:11:14,883
(WHIMPERING)

174
00:11:15,259 --> 00:11:16,760
Listen up, everyone.

175
00:11:16,802 --> 00:11:21,223
I know you've all been extremely worried
about the cosmic anomaly.

176
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,850
The what? Oh, right.

177
00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:24,476
But there's good news.

178
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:29,064
We're all going to learn more about it
at a scientific conference.

179
00:11:29,314 --> 00:11:31,233
(ALL SCREAMING)

180
00:11:39,783 --> 00:11:42,077
MAN. Like a city made of marshmallow.

181
00:11:46,081 --> 00:11:51,336
Welcome. I am the pickled head
of Stephen Hawking on a way-cool rocket.

182
00:11:51,420 --> 00:11:52,880
Black hole Hawking?

183
00:11:52,963 --> 00:11:55,549
Wow, if I knew I was going to meet you,

184
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,926
I would have done something
with my hair.

185
00:11:57,968 --> 00:11:59,469
You should have.

186
00:11:59,636 --> 00:12:03,765
In conclusion, I understand
nothing about the anomaly,

187
00:12:03,807 --> 00:12:08,520
even after cashing the huge check I got
for writing a book about it.

188
00:12:11,190 --> 00:12:13,650
I know this anomaly is terrifying.

189
00:12:13,692 --> 00:12:18,155
But as scientists, is it not our sworn duty
to seek out knowledge,

190
00:12:18,197 --> 00:12:20,782
even at the cost of our very lives?

191
00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:21,909
No.

192
00:12:21,992 --> 00:12:26,246
I say we must mount an expedition
to the anomaly forthwith.

193
00:12:26,330 --> 00:12:27,873
I agree.

194
00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,458
Wernstrom!

195
00:12:29,499 --> 00:12:33,462
Professor Farnsworth is correct.
Only a manned mission can...

196
00:12:33,504 --> 00:12:34,671
(YELPS)

197
00:12:36,215 --> 00:12:37,925
Don't listen to that crackpot!

198
00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:39,301
But I'm agreeing with you.

199
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:42,638
I'll make you eat those words, you moron!

200
00:12:43,472 --> 00:12:44,515
(WERNSTROM EX CLAIMS)

201
00:12:44,598 --> 00:12:46,892
I volunteer to lead the expedition.

202
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,310
I have a squad of graduate students

203
00:12:48,352 --> 00:12:50,479
eager to risk their lives
for a letter of recommendation.

204
00:12:50,521 --> 00:12:51,688
(STUDENTS CLAMORING)

205
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,857
Your squad sucks bosons!

206
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:58,320
My team is twice as qualified
and three times as expendable.

207
00:12:58,362 --> 00:12:59,696
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

208
00:12:59,738 --> 00:13:03,283
Oh, tough talk for someone
with only one Fields Medal.

209
00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,786
ALL. Ooh!

210
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:06,912
Ooh!

211
00:13:06,995 --> 00:13:09,081
Wernstrom, I ought to...

212
00:13:09,164 --> 00:13:10,374
(BOTH GROANING)

213
00:13:12,668 --> 00:13:14,962
I didn't know I could do that.

214
00:13:15,045 --> 00:13:19,007
Now quiet down
and settle this like men of science.

215
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,259
Very well.

216
00:13:21,343 --> 00:13:23,929
FARNSWORTH. Let Deathball begin!

217
00:13:32,020 --> 00:13:33,230
(PANTING)

218
00:13:45,909 --> 00:13:47,369
(ALL EX CLAIMING)

219
00:13:50,622 --> 00:13:53,625
- Go, Planet Express!
- Go even more, my team!

220
00:13:53,834 --> 00:13:55,377
(ALL CHEERING)

221
00:13:59,047 --> 00:14:00,299
(ALL CHEERING)

222
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:05,554
Leela, header!

223
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:07,389
Ow!

224
00:14:23,113 --> 00:14:24,114
(WHOOPING)

225
00:14:24,198 --> 00:14:25,657
Bust those balls!

226
00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:29,036
(EX CLAIMING)

227
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:33,123
Hooray! We're equally good!

228
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:38,378
(ALL GRUNTING)

229
00:14:39,922 --> 00:14:43,342
Come on, Bender! Your grandmother
could push harder than that!

230
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:46,345
No crap.
My grandmother was a bulldozer.

231
00:14:46,470 --> 00:14:47,846
(ALL EX CLAIMING)

232
00:14:50,807 --> 00:14:51,934
(ALL GROANING)

233
00:14:53,268 --> 00:14:54,311
(WHIMPERS)

234
00:14:58,065 --> 00:14:59,274
(LAUGHING EVILLY)

235
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:02,277
(YELPS)

236
00:15:03,987 --> 00:15:05,113
(SCREAMING)

237
00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,282
(YELPS)

238
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:09,326
(REFEREE BLOWING WHISTLE)

239
00:15:11,828 --> 00:15:13,539
(ALL CHEERING)

240
00:15:14,248 --> 00:15:18,043
And thus metal man defeated meat man.
The end.

241
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:22,005
Come here, winner!

242
00:15:23,674 --> 00:15:25,425
Come here, loser!

243
00:15:27,553 --> 00:15:31,014
Colleen, what are you doing?
My face is over here.

244
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,183
This is my boyfriend, silly!

245
00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:36,186
- I thought I was your boyfriend.
- You are.

246
00:15:36,228 --> 00:15:40,190
- Well, how can you have two boyfriends?
- Oh, I don't. I have five.

247
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:43,569
Fry, meet Chu, Bolt, Ndulu, and Shlomo.

248
00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:44,820
- Greetings.
- Pleasure.

249
00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:45,988
But... But...

250
00:15:46,071 --> 00:15:48,240
Shlomo and Ndulu
will help you move your stuff

251
00:15:48,323 --> 00:15:49,992
into my apartment tonight.

252
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,661
Welcome to the relationship, buddy!

253
00:15:53,704 --> 00:15:54,663
Hmm?

254
00:15:56,039 --> 00:15:58,166
There's my butterscotch.

255
00:16:03,505 --> 00:16:05,841
Congratulations, deathballers!

256
00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:08,844
We've won the right
to explore the anomaly!

257
00:16:08,886 --> 00:16:11,930
What? I thought
I was playing for my freedom!

258
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,098
No.

259
00:16:14,975 --> 00:16:17,728
Now, I've often said "good news"

260
00:16:17,811 --> 00:16:21,064
when sending you
on a mission of extreme danger.

261
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:23,567
So when I say this anomaly is dangerous,

262
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:27,070
you can imagine
how dangerous I really think it is.

263
00:16:27,112 --> 00:16:28,405
Not dangerous at all?

264
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:32,784
- Actually, quite dangerous indeed.
- That is quite dangerous!

265
00:16:32,868 --> 00:16:35,579
Indeed. Now stop shilly-shallying!

266
00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:39,625
Prep the ship and line up
for your preflight coffee enemas!

267
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:43,212
Warning. The enema you are about
to enjoy is extremely hot.

268
00:16:46,924 --> 00:16:48,217
I don't know what to do, Leela.

269
00:16:48,258 --> 00:16:51,220
Should I move in with Colleen
and her four other boyfriends?

270
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:54,389
What are you going to do?
Sleep in a big pile like hamsters?

271
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,225
No! It's not like that.

272
00:16:56,308 --> 00:16:59,144
Everyone gets his own room
and a shelf in the refrigerator.

273
00:16:59,228 --> 00:17:00,646
Take the deal, Fry!

274
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:02,022
If there's a delicious cake,

275
00:17:02,105 --> 00:17:05,067
isn't it better to have one slice
than none at all?

276
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:07,903
Even if four other guys
eat the other four slices,

277
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:12,074
and they're all thrusting their
sweaty naked bodies against the cake?

278
00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,284
Only one thing matters, Fry.

279
00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:18,205
Do you really love Colleen,
like I love my little squeezle?

280
00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:19,998
(CHUCKLING)

281
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,793
Yeah. I do love her.

282
00:17:22,876 --> 00:17:25,045
Then things will work out.

283
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:28,382
Whoa!

284
00:17:28,465 --> 00:17:30,717
Double espresso for Philip Fry?

285
00:17:30,801 --> 00:17:34,304
Sorry, I'm not going on the mission.
I'm moving in with Colleen!

286
00:17:34,388 --> 00:17:36,098
- Good for you, Fry.
- Oh, Fry!

287
00:17:36,139 --> 00:17:38,267
I'll just take that to go.

288
00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:55,284
(GRUNTS)

289
00:18:00,873 --> 00:18:02,291
(MUTTERING)

290
00:18:03,166 --> 00:18:05,919
(PEOPLE EX CLAIMING)

291
00:18:09,173 --> 00:18:10,340
(EX CLAIMS HAPPILY)

292
00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:13,719
- Welcome to your new home!
- Thanks, Colleen.

293
00:18:13,802 --> 00:18:18,724
And listen, I'm sorry I got jealous before.
I'm just happy to be here with you.

294
00:18:19,725 --> 00:18:21,476
Want a slice of delicious cake?

295
00:18:29,651 --> 00:18:32,070
BENDER. (GASPING) The anomaly!

296
00:18:32,154 --> 00:18:35,073
It's so anomalous.

297
00:18:35,157 --> 00:18:38,118
I'm feeling dread deep in my dreads!

298
00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:39,661
Wernstrom!

299
00:18:39,703 --> 00:18:43,332
Yes, and I'm afraid
I have disturbing news about the anomaly.

300
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:45,417
- You see. . .
- How did you get this number?

301
00:18:45,501 --> 00:18:48,795
Hermes, hang up on him
in the rudest possible manner.

302
00:18:48,879 --> 00:18:50,214
Yes, sir!

303
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,800
No, not the crack slam!

304
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,647
Oh, my life rocks.

305
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:09,900
I've got good wine, five sweethearts,

306
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:14,571
and today,
I was promoted to Chief of Police.

307
00:19:14,655 --> 00:19:16,073
Here's to you.

308
00:19:16,114 --> 00:19:17,699
- Me?
- No, Colleen.

309
00:19:17,783 --> 00:19:20,577
- I'm making a romantic toast.
- Sorry.

310
00:19:20,661 --> 00:19:22,704
You have the most beautiful eyes
I think I...

311
00:19:22,788 --> 00:19:24,998
- Thank you.
- I'm not talking to you!

312
00:19:25,082 --> 00:19:26,834
Then I am not talking to you, either.

313
00:19:26,917 --> 00:19:28,252
Will everyone be quiet a little?

314
00:19:28,293 --> 00:19:30,671
- I want to hear what he has to say!
- Thank you.

315
00:19:30,754 --> 00:19:32,506
Not you, you Verstinkener.

316
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:35,300
You're just here 'cause she likes cave men
from the stupid ages.

317
00:19:35,384 --> 00:19:36,760
Oh, look who's talking.

318
00:19:36,844 --> 00:19:38,887
You're just here
'cause she got matzoh fever.

319
00:19:38,929 --> 00:19:41,682
So, what's the explanation for you,
moron fever?

320
00:19:41,765 --> 00:19:42,808
(LAUGHING)

321
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,601
Enough! All of you!

322
00:19:44,685 --> 00:19:45,894
I love you.

323
00:19:45,978 --> 00:19:49,022
Most people in this world
don't have what we have.

324
00:19:49,106 --> 00:19:51,441
Let's just be grateful, okay?

325
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:53,777
- Yeah.
- Yeah, you're right.

326
00:19:53,861 --> 00:19:57,239
So, Colleen, you look really nice.

327
00:19:57,281 --> 00:19:59,116
Oh, thanks. I got dressed up for my date.

328
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,284
(CAR HORN HONKING)

329
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,578
There he is. Don't wait up!

330
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:07,958
That's it. I thought
I was okay with this, but I'm not.

331
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:10,127
I'm breaking up with you!

332
00:20:15,424 --> 00:20:16,425
Me?

333
00:20:21,013 --> 00:20:22,681
(ALL EX CLAIMING IN FEAR)

334
00:20:23,599 --> 00:20:25,267
(WHIMPERING)

335
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,231
(STAMMERING)
Why are we risking our lives?

336
00:20:31,315 --> 00:20:33,859
Can't we just send in a robotic drone?

337
00:20:35,194 --> 00:20:37,070
What's everybody looking at me for?

338
00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:41,867
"Let's send a robot to explore it.

339
00:20:41,950 --> 00:20:44,328
"'Cause you can always buy
another one for 20 bucks."

340
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:45,412
Really?

341
00:20:45,495 --> 00:20:48,707
Well, it's 30 bucks,
and there's a $10-mail-in rebate.

342
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:52,461
When the League of Robots
hears about this, they won't be pleased.

343
00:20:52,503 --> 00:20:54,713
Oh, you'll pay, my darlings.

344
00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:57,799
The League of Robots
doesn't exist, tin mon.

345
00:20:57,883 --> 00:20:59,843
It's just a cartoon for babies.

346
00:20:59,927 --> 00:21:00,969
Oh, yeah?

347
00:21:01,053 --> 00:21:04,431
Then how come when I was a kid,
I had a whole sticker book of them?

348
00:21:04,515 --> 00:21:06,391
Answer that with your precious logic.

349
00:21:22,824 --> 00:21:24,243
Bender to crew.

350
00:21:24,326 --> 00:21:27,329
I have reached the gateway
to another universe.

351
00:21:27,371 --> 00:21:30,123
I feel awed and strangely humbled

352
00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:33,168
by the momentous solemnity
of this occasion.

353
00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:37,548
Hey, other universe, bite my shiny metal...

354
00:21:37,631 --> 00:21:39,007
(BENDER SCREAMING)

355
00:21:39,049 --> 00:21:41,009
(CREW SCREAMING)

356
00:21:41,885 --> 00:21:43,554
(BENDER SOBBING)

357
00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:54,523
I can't remember anything except
a blinding light and a searing ass pain.

358
00:21:54,565 --> 00:21:56,817
I better check my black box.

359
00:21:57,526 --> 00:21:59,611
BENDER. The light! It's blinding!

360
00:21:59,695 --> 00:22:02,364
And the ass pain! It's searing!

361
00:22:02,447 --> 00:22:03,866
So that's what happened.

362
00:22:03,907 --> 00:22:07,244
Hey, Bender!
Look who's here to cheer you up.

363
00:22:07,327 --> 00:22:09,538
I don't need cheering up. I'm perfectly...

364
00:22:09,580 --> 00:22:11,790
Greetings, sick fan.

365
00:22:11,874 --> 00:22:14,877
(GASPS) TV's Calculon!

366
00:22:15,002 --> 00:22:16,211
(COUGHING)

367
00:22:18,088 --> 00:22:22,217
You poor, mangled husk
of what was once a robot!

368
00:22:22,259 --> 00:22:26,555
What right hath fate to pluck
a sweet, dimple-cheeked mechanism

369
00:22:26,597 --> 00:22:30,142
in the flower of his youth? And...

370
00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:31,393
Scene!

371
00:22:31,476 --> 00:22:33,687
There, that was some free acting for you.

372
00:22:33,770 --> 00:22:35,230
Ordinarily, to see acting like that,

373
00:22:35,272 --> 00:22:37,107
you'd have to sit
through a tampon commercial.

374
00:22:37,191 --> 00:22:39,234
That fulfills my community service, right?

375
00:22:39,318 --> 00:22:43,572
Charges of running me over
are hereby dismissed!

376
00:22:45,032 --> 00:22:46,074
Ow!

377
00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:48,702
(PEOPLE EX CLAIMING)

378
00:22:52,789 --> 00:22:57,085
Where did we go wrong, Fry?
We were meant to be together!

379
00:22:57,294 --> 00:22:58,545
(SOBBING)

380
00:22:58,629 --> 00:23:01,089
Nu, I'm freezing my tokhes off here.

381
00:23:01,173 --> 00:23:02,925
Just a sec, honey!

382
00:23:03,008 --> 00:23:04,134
(SIGHS)

383
00:23:39,336 --> 00:23:40,838
I'm back, idiots!

384
00:23:40,921 --> 00:23:42,130
(ALL CHEERING)

385
00:23:42,172 --> 00:23:44,174
You look wonderful, robot!

386
00:23:44,216 --> 00:23:48,595
I wish I could afford to go to a hospital.
I'm dreadfully sick.

387
00:23:50,556 --> 00:23:51,598
(LAUGHING)

388
00:23:51,682 --> 00:23:56,228
I feel great, and I owe it all to Calculon.
His visit really inspired me.

389
00:23:56,311 --> 00:23:58,730
I finally know
what I want to be when I grow up.

390
00:23:58,814 --> 00:24:02,192
You want to costar in his TV show?
Like that time you already did that?

391
00:24:02,276 --> 00:24:04,736
No. I'm gonna be a stalker!

392
00:24:04,820 --> 00:24:07,865
That's not really a career. More of a felony.

393
00:24:07,948 --> 00:24:09,992
Man, I'm gonna stalk his brains out.

394
00:24:10,075 --> 00:24:12,536
Ooh! Big news on the Calculon fansite!

395
00:24:12,578 --> 00:24:15,497
There's a flash mob headed
for his plastic surgeon's office!

396
00:24:19,376 --> 00:24:21,461
There, that's as big as I can make it.

397
00:24:21,545 --> 00:24:24,631
But I caution you,
it looks completely unrealistic.

398
00:24:24,715 --> 00:24:28,135
You let me worry about that!
Just do your job.

399
00:24:28,218 --> 00:24:30,762
Very well.
Will you be using your SAG insurance?

400
00:24:30,846 --> 00:24:33,515
No, cash. I'd like to be discreet.

401
00:24:34,099 --> 00:24:35,559
(ALL CLAMORING)

402
00:24:35,601 --> 00:24:36,852
Dear God, no!

403
00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:38,187
- Neat!
- Get a shot of that.

404
00:24:38,228 --> 00:24:40,355
Oh boy, oh boy, he's here.

405
00:24:40,439 --> 00:24:43,483
Calculon, I love you! Have my baby!

406
00:24:43,567 --> 00:24:45,235
CALCULON. Back, you lunatic!

407
00:24:45,986 --> 00:24:47,529
He touched me!

408
00:24:47,613 --> 00:24:49,114
Sign my ass!

409
00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:52,367
(BENDER GROANING)

410
00:24:57,289 --> 00:24:59,333
(FARNSWORTH SNIFFING)

411
00:25:01,001 --> 00:25:05,214
FARNSWORTH. Emergency! Emergency!
Everyone to the calamitorium!

412
00:25:05,631 --> 00:25:06,882
(ZOIDBERG WHOOPING)

413
00:25:07,591 --> 00:25:10,385
- Leela, smell this.
- Can I wipe it off first?

414
00:25:10,427 --> 00:25:12,930
No time, woman! No time!

415
00:25:13,597 --> 00:25:14,932
(SNIFFING)

416
00:25:15,015 --> 00:25:17,309
- Hmm. Smells like angel dust.
- Exactly!

417
00:25:17,434 --> 00:25:20,270
That's a discontinuous
electromagnetic field.

418
00:25:20,354 --> 00:25:24,566
Wernstrom tried to warn me,
but I was too damn stubborn!

419
00:25:24,608 --> 00:25:28,278
Hermes, get Wernstrom
on the line so I can apologize.

420
00:25:35,619 --> 00:25:37,037
Ogden Wernstrom speaking.

421
00:25:37,120 --> 00:25:38,330
(WHISPERING) Tell him I'm not here!

422
00:25:38,413 --> 00:25:41,291
- Professor!
- Oh, very well.

423
00:25:41,375 --> 00:25:44,837
Wernstrom, I've been a vainglorious fool!

424
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:47,798
If you can find it
in your heart to forgive me,

425
00:25:47,840 --> 00:25:49,508
your tiny little heart,

426
00:25:49,591 --> 00:25:52,886
would you consider
a scientific collaboration?

427
00:25:52,970 --> 00:25:55,347
Sir, I'd be honored.

428
00:25:59,393 --> 00:26:00,811
As I attempted to warn you,

429
00:26:00,894 --> 00:26:04,982
the laws of electromagnetism
change abruptly at the anomaly.

430
00:26:05,065 --> 00:26:06,108
Observe.

431
00:26:06,149 --> 00:26:08,026
Play time is fun time.

432
00:26:08,110 --> 00:26:09,736
Not this time.

433
00:26:11,280 --> 00:26:12,489
My heavens!

434
00:26:12,573 --> 00:26:14,449
If only I'd heeded your warning,

435
00:26:14,491 --> 00:26:17,286
I'd have known it was impossible
to cross the barrier!

436
00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:22,624
But note what happens when I instead
throw this laboratory koala.

437
00:26:22,666 --> 00:26:23,876
(CHITTERING)

438
00:26:25,502 --> 00:26:27,671
FARNSWORTH. It passed through
unharmed.

439
00:26:28,380 --> 00:26:31,216
So living beings
can enter the other universe,

440
00:26:31,300 --> 00:26:33,343
but electrical devices can't?

441
00:26:33,427 --> 00:26:35,304
My hypothesis exactly.

442
00:26:35,345 --> 00:26:38,974
Then we must mount
a second expedition without delay.

443
00:26:39,016 --> 00:26:41,602
- Right after we blow up more robots.
- Agreed.

444
00:26:41,894 --> 00:26:43,604
(ROBOTS SCREAMING)

445
00:26:44,062 --> 00:26:45,397
(GIGGLING)

446
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:47,482
Play time is fun time.

447
00:26:49,651 --> 00:26:50,944
(YAWNS)

448
00:26:54,781 --> 00:26:57,534
- Who are you?
- Bender, your biggest fan.

449
00:26:57,618 --> 00:26:59,828
Are you going to murder me?

450
00:26:59,870 --> 00:27:02,456
Unlikely. In my mind, we're friends.

451
00:27:02,539 --> 00:27:04,333
This diorama proves it, see?

452
00:27:05,542 --> 00:27:10,964
Sir, your derangement is impressive.
I'm appointing you my official stalker.

453
00:27:11,048 --> 00:27:13,133
You shan't be disappointed.

454
00:27:13,217 --> 00:27:14,885
Pleasant dreams.

455
00:27:25,062 --> 00:27:29,441
Now that I've teamed up with my friend,
Dr. Wernstrom,

456
00:27:29,525 --> 00:27:33,487
I feel certain we can
successfully penetrate the other universe.

457
00:27:33,570 --> 00:27:35,447
It's the greatest scientific opportunity

458
00:27:35,531 --> 00:27:38,909
since you yourself
sent men to the moon in 1969.

459
00:27:38,992 --> 00:27:40,327
I always regretted that.

460
00:27:40,619 --> 00:27:44,540
Nothing up there but dry rocks
and those revolting onion men.

461
00:27:44,581 --> 00:27:45,707
But...

462
00:27:45,749 --> 00:27:49,211
You East Coast intellectuals
had your chance. Now beat it!

463
00:27:49,294 --> 00:27:52,172
From here on in, this is a military matter.

464
00:27:56,927 --> 00:27:58,428
People of the universe,

465
00:27:58,470 --> 00:28:02,474
please welcome
Rear Brigadier Zapp Brannigan.

466
00:28:02,558 --> 00:28:03,934
(ALL CHEERING)

467
00:28:06,311 --> 00:28:09,857
Thank you, thank you. Well deserved.

468
00:28:09,940 --> 00:28:12,401
Kif, stand in that hole so I look taller.

469
00:28:12,484 --> 00:28:13,569
(SIGHS)

470
00:28:14,444 --> 00:28:16,864
Ever since man first left his cave

471
00:28:16,947 --> 00:28:18,907
and met a stranger
with a different language

472
00:28:18,949 --> 00:28:20,951
and a new way of looking at things,

473
00:28:20,993 --> 00:28:23,245
the human race has had a dream.

474
00:28:23,328 --> 00:28:25,330
To kill him,
so we don't have to learn his language

475
00:28:25,414 --> 00:28:26,999
or his new way of looking at things.

476
00:28:27,082 --> 00:28:28,542
(ALL CHEERING)

477
00:28:28,959 --> 00:28:30,752
(BOTH BOOING)

478
00:28:30,794 --> 00:28:32,421
Give science a chance!

479
00:28:32,462 --> 00:28:35,424
Less invasions, more equations!

480
00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:36,967
Damn long-hairs.

481
00:28:37,009 --> 00:28:39,553
Knock some sense into them,
Chief O'Hallahan.

482
00:28:39,636 --> 00:28:41,138
Yes, sir!

483
00:28:41,221 --> 00:28:42,931
(BOTH GROANING)

484
00:28:47,019 --> 00:28:48,687
(DISTORTED)

485
00:28:53,734 --> 00:28:54,776
(SOBS)

486
00:28:54,818 --> 00:28:56,612
I can't take it, Leela.

487
00:28:56,695 --> 00:29:00,616
I need to go away. Far away, forever.

488
00:29:00,866 --> 00:29:03,327
Aw, I know how you feel, Fry.

489
00:29:03,410 --> 00:29:06,580
There are times when I also feel
like you need to go away.

490
00:29:10,834 --> 00:29:14,087
Be careful,
my little, teeny, greeny weenie.

491
00:29:14,171 --> 00:29:17,758
That's just a fungal infection...
Oh, she's talking to you, Kif.

492
00:29:17,841 --> 00:29:19,468
Goodbye, my love.

493
00:29:35,025 --> 00:29:38,237
Wow, how come humans
get to do all the fun stuff?

494
00:29:38,320 --> 00:29:41,532
This is exactly the sort of thing
that ought to be handled by

495
00:29:41,615 --> 00:29:43,575
(WHISPERING) The League of Robots.

496
00:29:43,659 --> 00:29:45,827
(LAUGHING)

497
00:29:45,869 --> 00:29:47,704
That's adorable, Bender.

498
00:29:47,788 --> 00:29:50,707
You actually believe
in the League of Robots?

499
00:29:50,791 --> 00:29:53,752
You mean, there's really no such thing?

500
00:29:53,836 --> 00:29:55,629
Then who's there to mete out justice

501
00:29:55,712 --> 00:29:58,841
when an outdated robot
is melted into belt buckles?

502
00:29:58,882 --> 00:30:00,384
Who's there to defend our honor

503
00:30:00,467 --> 00:30:04,388
when a rude human brings a blush
to a robo-virgin's cheek?

504
00:30:04,471 --> 00:30:05,806
No one.

505
00:30:05,889 --> 00:30:06,932
Oh.

506
00:30:13,564 --> 00:30:15,023
(GROANING)

507
00:30:28,579 --> 00:30:31,039
BENDER. Now that I know
robots are worthless,

508
00:30:31,081 --> 00:30:35,210
with no League of Robots to protect us
from the fleshy menace known as man,

509
00:30:35,252 --> 00:30:37,838
I have resolved to kill myself.

510
00:30:37,921 --> 00:30:42,384
In lieu of flowers, please beat yourselves
in the face with rusty chains.

511
00:30:42,426 --> 00:30:44,428
Your friend, Bender.

512
00:30:48,140 --> 00:30:49,141
Ow.

513
00:31:02,696 --> 00:31:04,573
ELECTRONIC VOICE. Please select
mode of death.

514
00:31:04,615 --> 00:31:06,408
Clumsy bludgeoning, please.

515
00:31:06,450 --> 00:31:09,286
You have selected clumsy bludgeoning.

516
00:31:09,369 --> 00:31:10,913
For an additional $10,

517
00:31:10,996 --> 00:31:13,832
would you like your eyes
scooped out with a melon-baller?

518
00:31:13,916 --> 00:31:15,417
What the heck, I'll treat myself.

519
00:31:37,773 --> 00:31:39,233
Enemy in range.

520
00:31:39,316 --> 00:31:42,444
Prepare to launch
universe-to-universe missile.

521
00:31:42,486 --> 00:31:44,488
Preparing to launch U.U.M.

522
00:31:51,328 --> 00:31:52,663
(ALARM BLARING)

523
00:31:53,330 --> 00:31:54,456
(SHOUTING)

524
00:31:59,211 --> 00:32:02,047
Hell of a thing to send a universe
to certain doom.

525
00:32:02,130 --> 00:32:05,008
Fun, though. Makes a man feel big.

526
00:32:08,178 --> 00:32:11,682
Come on, come on,
I didn't ask to die of boredom!

527
00:32:11,765 --> 00:32:13,016
(SHOUTS)

528
00:32:17,104 --> 00:32:20,023
ELECTRONIC VOICE. You are now dead.
Please take your receipt.

529
00:32:23,819 --> 00:32:25,487
(BENDER GROANING)

530
00:32:28,532 --> 00:32:30,742
BENDER. What's... What's happening?

531
00:32:33,036 --> 00:32:34,496
Kneel before the candle.

532
00:32:34,580 --> 00:32:36,665
Don't hurt me! I'll betray anyone!

533
00:32:36,748 --> 00:32:38,959
Bender Bending Rodriguez...

534
00:32:39,042 --> 00:32:40,169
(WHIMPERS)

535
00:32:41,253 --> 00:32:43,630
Welcome to the League of Robots!

536
00:32:44,173 --> 00:32:45,465
(GASPS)

537
00:33:03,901 --> 00:33:05,194
Ready?

538
00:33:07,279 --> 00:33:08,530
And...

539
00:33:10,908 --> 00:33:11,867
(TAUNTINGLY) F...

540
00:33:13,911 --> 00:33:15,037
(LAUGHS)

541
00:33:15,454 --> 00:33:16,830
Almost fooled you there.

542
00:33:16,914 --> 00:33:17,915
(SIGHS)

543
00:33:17,998 --> 00:33:19,208
Fire!

544
00:33:19,666 --> 00:33:20,751
(LAUNCHER JAMMING)

545
00:33:20,834 --> 00:33:21,877
(ALARM BLARING)

546
00:33:21,919 --> 00:33:24,671
FEMALE VOICE. Missile jam. Missile jam.

547
00:33:24,755 --> 00:33:27,549
- I heard you the first time, Francine.
- Sorry.

548
00:33:27,591 --> 00:33:30,636
Kif, climb down there and un-jam it,
would you? Be a dear.

549
00:33:30,719 --> 00:33:31,762
(SIGHS)

550
00:33:31,845 --> 00:33:33,931
And stop sighing so much.

551
00:33:34,014 --> 00:33:35,057
(SIGHS)

552
00:33:38,435 --> 00:33:39,686
Tell us, Bender.

553
00:33:39,770 --> 00:33:42,231
Are you worthy of membership
in the League?

554
00:33:42,272 --> 00:33:44,483
Worthier than the average robot.

555
00:33:44,566 --> 00:33:46,151
Then prove it.

556
00:33:49,238 --> 00:33:51,240
Upon each step is a test.

557
00:33:51,323 --> 00:33:55,035
Okay, but if it's culturally biased,
I'm suing your ass.

558
00:33:55,118 --> 00:33:59,164
Test number one.
The test of the beer mug!

559
00:33:59,248 --> 00:34:00,415
Quite right, quite so.

560
00:34:00,457 --> 00:34:03,710
ALL. Drink the mug! Drink the mug!

561
00:34:03,794 --> 00:34:05,754
I accept your challenge.

562
00:34:09,132 --> 00:34:10,467
ALL. Hurray!

563
00:34:12,261 --> 00:34:14,346
The test of the flagon!

564
00:34:14,429 --> 00:34:17,766
ALL. Drink the flagon! Drink the flagon!

565
00:34:17,808 --> 00:34:20,769
Are all the tests going to involve drinking?

566
00:34:20,811 --> 00:34:23,272
It never occurred to me before, but yes.

567
00:34:23,313 --> 00:34:25,649
(WHOOPS) Just like med school!

568
00:34:26,567 --> 00:34:28,360
(ALL CHEERING)

569
00:34:29,945 --> 00:34:31,238
Ready yet, Kif?

570
00:34:31,321 --> 00:34:33,365
Just give me one more...

571
00:34:37,327 --> 00:34:38,537
Oh, no.

572
00:34:39,329 --> 00:34:40,706
(GROANING)

573
00:34:51,758 --> 00:34:56,471
The test of the infinitely priceless
1,000-year-old brandy.

574
00:35:04,021 --> 00:35:05,022
(BELCHES)

575
00:35:06,648 --> 00:35:09,568
Presenting our newest member.

576
00:35:09,651 --> 00:35:11,403
(ALL CHEERING)

577
00:35:11,486 --> 00:35:12,487
That's right, baby!

578
00:35:12,571 --> 00:35:14,531
Hot diggity daffodil!

579
00:35:22,873 --> 00:35:26,502
And so, to everyone
and everything I've ever known,

580
00:35:26,543 --> 00:35:28,795
I say my last goodbye.

581
00:35:29,755 --> 00:35:31,173
Hello.

582
00:35:31,215 --> 00:35:33,717
So, how are you, Fry?

583
00:35:33,759 --> 00:35:36,720
- Pretty good. You?
- Well... Oh.

584
00:35:44,436 --> 00:35:45,854
(GROANING)

585
00:35:47,564 --> 00:35:49,358
(HUMMING)

586
00:35:54,530 --> 00:35:55,781
Mmm.

587
00:35:55,864 --> 00:35:59,117
Kif, get over here. You've got to try this!

588
00:36:02,913 --> 00:36:03,997
(SOBBING)

589
00:36:04,081 --> 00:36:06,333
At least Kiffy died quickly.

590
00:36:07,125 --> 00:36:10,087
Yes, but according to
the Old Farmer's Wikipedia,

591
00:36:10,170 --> 00:36:12,089
the amazing thing about Kif's species

592
00:36:12,172 --> 00:36:16,176
is that the remains continue suffering
for up to six hours after death.

593
00:36:17,886 --> 00:36:19,847
That's so interesting!

594
00:36:21,598 --> 00:36:23,725
Don't ask where I was last night.

595
00:36:23,809 --> 00:36:27,771
For all you know, I was at home,
perhaps baking a strudel.

596
00:36:28,772 --> 00:36:31,441
What's her problem?
Somebody die or something?

597
00:36:31,525 --> 00:36:33,861
- Kif's dead, Bender.
- Nailed it!

598
00:36:44,746 --> 00:36:46,707
My condolences, Amy.

599
00:36:46,790 --> 00:36:51,170
Allow me to present you with the
last known photo of Lieutenant Kroker.

600
00:36:53,255 --> 00:36:57,759
We so sorry, Mr. And Mrs. Kroker.
Terrible shame about Froggy.

601
00:36:57,801 --> 00:37:00,929
Thank you for your kind words.

602
00:37:01,013 --> 00:37:02,598
Yeah, yeah, real sad.

603
00:37:02,681 --> 00:37:06,268
Want some breath spray?
Cinnamon flavor, taste like pie.

604
00:37:06,351 --> 00:37:07,728
(BOTH COUGHING)

605
00:37:10,147 --> 00:37:13,108
This is from the league
of you-don't-need-to-know.

606
00:37:13,150 --> 00:37:14,359
(YELPS)

607
00:37:15,527 --> 00:37:18,989
I am the grand funeral director!

608
00:37:19,031 --> 00:37:20,949
Do you validate parking?

609
00:37:20,991 --> 00:37:25,704
It is always a terrible tragedy
when a swarm outlives its own bulboid.

610
00:37:25,787 --> 00:37:27,414
So it is with great sorrow

611
00:37:27,497 --> 00:37:30,667
that I now commit the goo
that was once Kif

612
00:37:30,751 --> 00:37:33,295
to the petroleum of his ancestors.

613
00:37:37,674 --> 00:37:39,468
Whack the bottle!

614
00:37:40,636 --> 00:37:43,430
No, from the bottom! It works better!

615
00:37:43,680 --> 00:37:44,932
(SOBBING)

616
00:37:45,015 --> 00:37:47,476
Just stick a butter knife in it!

617
00:37:50,562 --> 00:37:54,733
There, I got most of it.
The burial is complete.

618
00:37:56,485 --> 00:37:58,654
I will now sing the sacred hymn.

619
00:37:58,737 --> 00:38:02,991
It's not part of the ceremony,
just a little something that I wrote.

620
00:38:03,033 --> 00:38:05,661
(SINGING IN ALIEN LANGUAGE)

621
00:38:09,748 --> 00:38:10,832
Next!

622
00:38:13,544 --> 00:38:15,838
It may sound strange,

623
00:38:15,879 --> 00:38:20,676
but seeing Kif's mutilated remains
poured into the mud made me really sad.

624
00:38:20,759 --> 00:38:22,845
Mutilation is never easy.

625
00:38:22,886 --> 00:38:27,766
- (CRYING) I don't think I'll ever love again.
- Oh, you don't mean that.

626
00:38:27,850 --> 00:38:30,769
Love can surprise you
at any time in your life.

627
00:38:30,853 --> 00:38:32,271
Surprise!

628
00:38:33,814 --> 00:38:34,815
(GROANS)

629
00:38:38,735 --> 00:38:41,530
Whoa, it kind of takes your breath away.

630
00:38:51,748 --> 00:38:55,544
Look alive, death row.
Your saggy asses got a visitor.

631
00:38:55,586 --> 00:38:59,631
- Regular or conjugal?
- She looked like a freak to me.

632
00:39:00,090 --> 00:39:01,633
The guard operating the x-ray machine

633
00:39:01,717 --> 00:39:04,261
came down with a sudden case
of broken neck,

634
00:39:04,344 --> 00:39:08,056
so I was able to bring you
that delicious cake you wanted.

635
00:39:09,516 --> 00:39:13,228
I don't understand.
Are you winking or blinking?

636
00:39:13,478 --> 00:39:14,521
(SIGHS)

637
00:39:14,605 --> 00:39:16,273
Hang on a second.

638
00:39:17,357 --> 00:39:18,442
Got it!

639
00:39:26,617 --> 00:39:30,245
Yes, I'm here to repair my horse.

640
00:39:30,287 --> 00:39:33,498
Is the horse's name Hot Beans?

641
00:39:33,582 --> 00:39:35,542
No. I mean, yes.

642
00:39:36,376 --> 00:39:37,377
(BENDER EX CLAIMS)

643
00:39:41,798 --> 00:39:45,802
So it seems a human had been
rather injured by a knife, and as his...

644
00:39:45,886 --> 00:39:49,431
As his blood, you know,
I think that's what they call it...

645
00:39:49,515 --> 00:39:52,184
Quite correct, sir. Blather on!

646
00:39:52,267 --> 00:39:56,271
As it drained away, he said...
He said, "Take me to a dock."

647
00:39:56,355 --> 00:39:59,024
No doubt he intended to say "doctor,"

648
00:39:59,107 --> 00:40:03,278
but he was unable to complete
his thought, you see, being as he had died.

649
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:04,738
So, taking him at his word,

650
00:40:04,821 --> 00:40:08,951
we dragged his corpse to the waterfront,
whereupon the seagulls fed upon it.

651
00:40:08,992 --> 00:40:10,953
(ALL LAUGHING)

652
00:40:10,994 --> 00:40:14,039
- Humans are dumb and they die easy!
- Quite!

653
00:40:14,122 --> 00:40:17,251
Speaking of humans,
have I shown you my new monocle?

654
00:40:17,334 --> 00:40:20,796
Cost me a king's ransom.
Made from a king, don't you know!

655
00:40:20,879 --> 00:40:23,841
Oh, how repulsively decadent!

656
00:40:23,924 --> 00:40:26,134
Yes. But more importantly,

657
00:40:26,176 --> 00:40:29,304
it allows me to see
the smiling faces of my children

658
00:40:29,346 --> 00:40:33,308
for the first time since I lost my vision
in that horrible banking accident.

659
00:40:33,350 --> 00:40:35,561
May I see that for a second?

660
00:40:36,562 --> 00:40:38,772
My, but that's interesting!

661
00:40:39,481 --> 00:40:40,983
(GRUNTING)

662
00:40:41,525 --> 00:40:43,443
- I say!
- I'm blind!

663
00:40:43,527 --> 00:40:44,945
My God, Bender!

664
00:40:45,028 --> 00:40:47,990
This is a civilized organization!
The rules specifically...

665
00:40:48,073 --> 00:40:50,951
May I make a point of order,
President Calculon?

666
00:40:51,034 --> 00:40:52,995
- Must you?
- Yes.

667
00:40:53,078 --> 00:40:54,496
The bylaws specifically state

668
00:40:54,538 --> 00:40:57,666
that no human may set foot
in the League of Robots!

669
00:40:57,749 --> 00:41:00,794
If he has a human part, he's part human!

670
00:41:00,878 --> 00:41:04,798
Oh, my! Then I too have a human part
I must expel.

671
00:41:04,882 --> 00:41:07,467
And I plan to enjoy the experience.

672
00:41:07,551 --> 00:41:08,635
Ta-ta!

673
00:41:08,719 --> 00:41:13,515
Bender, you've rigidly applied the law
with no regard for its intent.

674
00:41:13,557 --> 00:41:16,685
Well done!
You'll go far in this organization.

675
00:41:16,727 --> 00:41:19,521
Oh, you're just gettin' to know Bender.

676
00:41:38,874 --> 00:41:40,000
(SNIFFING)

677
00:41:41,043 --> 00:41:42,127
Curses!

678
00:41:42,211 --> 00:41:43,378
If we could only turn up the gain,

679
00:41:43,462 --> 00:41:45,672
we might smell clear through
to the other universe!

680
00:41:45,756 --> 00:41:48,800
But we can't adjust it
without a screwdriver.

681
00:41:48,884 --> 00:41:50,010
Wait a moment.

682
00:41:50,093 --> 00:41:53,222
I think I was just shanked
with a screwdriver!

683
00:41:53,430 --> 00:41:55,140
(GROANING)

684
00:41:55,224 --> 00:41:56,391
Yes!

685
00:41:57,768 --> 00:42:00,562
A little more. A little less.

686
00:42:00,604 --> 00:42:03,065
Heavens to meteoroid! Smell this!

687
00:42:04,775 --> 00:42:06,777
Holy mother of invention!

688
00:42:06,860 --> 00:42:10,614
- We must notify the President at once!
- But how can we?

689
00:42:10,697 --> 00:42:14,576
Oh, I wish, I wish,
I wish we weren't in prison!

690
00:42:14,868 --> 00:42:16,078
(CREATURE CAWING)

691
00:42:17,037 --> 00:42:18,956
Pazuzu!

692
00:42:18,997 --> 00:42:22,543
You have one wish left, Professor.

693
00:42:22,876 --> 00:42:24,336
(BOTH EX CLAIMING)

694
00:42:32,553 --> 00:42:33,595
(BOTH YELPING)

695
00:42:39,977 --> 00:42:41,937
I think I got him!

696
00:42:42,187 --> 00:42:43,272
Mmm-hmm.

697
00:42:43,355 --> 00:42:45,232
That's what you get
for letting your guard...

698
00:42:45,315 --> 00:42:46,275
(GUARD YELLS)

699
00:42:47,150 --> 00:42:51,029
Sometimes... Always... Never!

700
00:42:51,113 --> 00:42:53,532
You again?
This better be damned important.

701
00:42:53,615 --> 00:42:56,159
I'm right in the middle of a Cosmo survey!

702
00:42:56,243 --> 00:42:58,787
You'll want to hear this, Mr. President.

703
00:42:58,829 --> 00:43:02,583
For we have sniffed
where no man has sniffed before!

704
00:43:03,750 --> 00:43:05,294
(FRY WHEEZING)

705
00:43:27,524 --> 00:43:29,151
(ALL MURMURING)

706
00:43:31,195 --> 00:43:33,280
(CROWD SCREAMING)

707
00:43:36,491 --> 00:43:38,202
Look! Up in the sky!

708
00:43:38,285 --> 00:43:40,495
- It's a bird!
- It's a plane!

709
00:43:40,537 --> 00:43:42,414
I am so out of here!

710
00:43:44,416 --> 00:43:45,792
(SIREN BLARING)

711
00:43:46,460 --> 00:43:48,587
ELECTRONIC VOICE. Incoming call
from Mars.

712
00:43:49,546 --> 00:43:50,547
Hello?

713
00:43:50,631 --> 00:43:54,343
- Why you so sad, Amy?
- My husband died, Mom!

714
00:43:54,384 --> 00:43:57,554
Yeah, yeah, snap out of it already.
No one likes a widow.

715
00:43:57,638 --> 00:43:59,264
Oh, wait. Hang on.

716
00:43:59,348 --> 00:44:01,808
Some damn tentacle
got in the screen door.

717
00:44:01,892 --> 00:44:02,976
(SCREAMING)

718
00:44:03,060 --> 00:44:04,228
(DIAL TONE)

719
00:44:05,145 --> 00:44:08,524
ELECTRONIC VOICE. Collect call from
Decapod 10. Will you pay for color?

720
00:44:08,565 --> 00:44:09,691
No!

721
00:44:10,275 --> 00:44:12,528
Uncle Zoid! What's new?

722
00:44:12,569 --> 00:44:15,072
You still doing theater
for the blind and deaf?

723
00:44:15,113 --> 00:44:19,201
Screw them.
I got a part in a fancy DVD movie!

724
00:44:19,284 --> 00:44:23,413
It's only one line, but I'm gonna ham it up
like you wouldn't believe.

725
00:44:23,497 --> 00:44:24,498
(EX CLAIMING)

726
00:44:24,581 --> 00:44:29,545
What crummy sin have I committed
to be chastised in such a crazy manner?

727
00:44:29,586 --> 00:44:30,671
(SCREAMS)

728
00:44:30,754 --> 00:44:34,007
Hello? Hello?
Call me back on my shell phone!

729
00:44:40,013 --> 00:44:41,723
ZAPP. Captain's log, stardate,

730
00:44:41,765 --> 00:44:43,934
the year of the tiger.

731
00:44:44,017 --> 00:44:45,936
The battle has been bravely fought,

732
00:44:45,978 --> 00:44:48,730
and the suffering of our troops
beyond measure.

733
00:44:48,772 --> 00:44:52,985
But the alien is invulnerable,
and our defeat inevitable.

734
00:44:53,068 --> 00:44:56,029
That much is obvious,
even from my remote command post

735
00:44:56,113 --> 00:44:58,740
here at the Times Square Applebee's.

736
00:44:59,700 --> 00:45:04,413
Waiter! Take this fried mozzarella
back to the kitchen and fry it some more.

737
00:45:10,294 --> 00:45:11,295
(EX CLAIMS)

738
00:45:11,378 --> 00:45:14,131
The tentacle's coming towards Earth
and there's no stopping it.

739
00:45:14,214 --> 00:45:17,134
King Kong's too old to save us this time.

740
00:45:17,176 --> 00:45:18,427
(COUGHING)

741
00:45:19,678 --> 00:45:21,805
We have only one hope, Mr. President.

742
00:45:21,889 --> 00:45:24,016
We must encase the entire planet

743
00:45:24,099 --> 00:45:28,520
in a protective sphere of
my patented, ultra-hard diamondium!

744
00:45:28,604 --> 00:45:29,938
Diamondium?

745
00:45:29,980 --> 00:45:33,192
(SCOFFS) I could gum through that
with my dentures behind my back.

746
00:45:33,275 --> 00:45:36,486
My trademarked diamondillium
is twice as hard!

747
00:45:36,570 --> 00:45:40,240
Twice as hard as your head!
Which makes it still fairly soft!

748
00:45:40,324 --> 00:45:42,242
Now look here, you Poindexters.

749
00:45:42,326 --> 00:45:45,370
I don't care how you decide. Just decide!

750
00:45:48,707 --> 00:45:50,167
Diamondillium it is.

751
00:46:00,552 --> 00:46:05,140
So, hey, Calculon, I know I'm the new guy,
and, pardon my ignorance,

752
00:46:05,224 --> 00:46:06,725
but when do we kill all humans?

753
00:46:06,808 --> 00:46:07,976
Never.

754
00:46:08,018 --> 00:46:11,104
But what about our motto?
Doesn't it mean anything?

755
00:46:11,188 --> 00:46:12,898
(CALCULON LAUGHING)

756
00:46:12,981 --> 00:46:15,651
Oh, Bender,
your idealism is heartwarming.

757
00:46:15,734 --> 00:46:20,697
But the League of Robots
hasn't killed a human in over 800 years.

758
00:46:20,781 --> 00:46:23,283
And that was a very sick girl scout.

759
00:46:23,367 --> 00:46:25,494
Quite sick indeed.

760
00:46:25,577 --> 00:46:28,038
Sweet, innocent Bender.

761
00:46:37,965 --> 00:46:43,262
WERNSTROM. I declare my impenetrable
diamondillium sphere complete!

762
00:46:44,930 --> 00:46:47,057
Now look here, Wernstrom.

763
00:46:47,140 --> 00:46:51,687
You're making it sound as if the sphere
was your idea when we both know...

764
00:46:52,813 --> 00:46:54,064
It was!

765
00:46:54,147 --> 00:46:58,110
All credit to my colleague,
Ogden Wernstrom!

766
00:47:01,071 --> 00:47:02,364
(ALL SCREAMING)

767
00:47:02,406 --> 00:47:04,032
It's horrible!

768
00:47:09,997 --> 00:47:12,291
I can't make it! Go on without me!

769
00:47:12,374 --> 00:47:13,792
I'm trying!

770
00:47:14,543 --> 00:47:15,961
Go on without me faster!

771
00:47:24,094 --> 00:47:25,929
(CREW SCREAMING)

772
00:47:32,144 --> 00:47:33,270
(ALL GASPING)

773
00:47:39,985 --> 00:47:43,614
Sweet squid of Madrid!
The tentacle got Fry!

774
00:47:43,697 --> 00:47:47,242
Quick, hand me my machete!
We can still save his legs!

775
00:47:47,451 --> 00:47:49,119
(CROWD EX CLAIMS)

776
00:47:49,703 --> 00:47:51,371
Silence!

777
00:47:53,123 --> 00:47:56,668
I have traveled far and seen deep,

778
00:47:56,752 --> 00:48:00,964
and I have come to know
the purpose of our existence.

779
00:48:01,048 --> 00:48:02,299
Finally.

780
00:48:02,382 --> 00:48:05,219
Thou shalt love the tentacle!

781
00:48:07,179 --> 00:48:09,348
Well, at least we don't
have to love one another.

782
00:48:14,311 --> 00:48:18,232
A new age has begun.
The age of the tentacle!

783
00:48:20,859 --> 00:48:23,779
Open your necks and receive the love!

784
00:48:23,904 --> 00:48:25,614
(ALL SCREAMING)

785
00:48:30,869 --> 00:48:32,496
Ow, my neck!

786
00:48:32,579 --> 00:48:34,289
Ow, my neck!

787
00:48:34,331 --> 00:48:36,959
My neck feels perfectly... Ow, my neck!

788
00:48:39,127 --> 00:48:42,422
Someone help me! I'm important!

789
00:48:42,506 --> 00:48:45,217
Say, I love the tentacle.

790
00:48:45,300 --> 00:48:47,219
I also love the neck-a-majigger!

791
00:48:51,515 --> 00:48:52,516
(EX CLAIMS)

792
00:48:54,852 --> 00:48:55,978
(GROANS)

793
00:49:00,732 --> 00:49:02,776
Hooray, Zoidberg escaped!

794
00:49:04,152 --> 00:49:06,822
Hooray, Zoidberg loves the tentacle!

795
00:49:06,864 --> 00:49:07,865
(EX CLAIMS)

796
00:49:08,699 --> 00:49:10,033
(ALL PANTING)

797
00:49:10,117 --> 00:49:11,618
It got Zoidberg!

798
00:49:11,702 --> 00:49:15,998
Oh, I never knew how much
I'd miss him until he was gone!

799
00:49:16,081 --> 00:49:17,833
Not that much, as it turns out.

800
00:49:17,875 --> 00:49:18,959
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

801
00:49:19,042 --> 00:49:20,043
(EX CLAIMS)

802
00:49:20,127 --> 00:49:21,879
Thus sayeth the tentacle,

803
00:49:21,962 --> 00:49:25,549
"Verily, thou shalt rejoice
in the house of the tentacle."

804
00:49:25,632 --> 00:49:28,677
Fry, listen to yourself.
You've been brainwashed.

805
00:49:28,760 --> 00:49:32,514
No, I'm just trying to fit my diction
to the importance of what I'm saying.

806
00:49:32,556 --> 00:49:35,684
- Please, let me speak.
- I'm listening.

807
00:49:35,767 --> 00:49:40,480
Don't be afraid of the tentacle, Leela.
It's beautiful and it loves me.

808
00:49:40,564 --> 00:49:42,065
And I love it.

809
00:49:42,149 --> 00:49:45,194
Aw. That's so nice for both of you.

810
00:49:45,235 --> 00:49:47,404
I know it may seem strange
that I have feelings

811
00:49:47,487 --> 00:49:49,531
for an octopus monster
from another universe.

812
00:49:49,615 --> 00:49:52,201
And yes, perhaps
it's not the storybook romance

813
00:49:52,284 --> 00:49:55,370
that's been crammed down
our throats by Hollywood.

814
00:49:55,454 --> 00:49:59,124
But the Monsterpus has loved us
from afar since we were amoebas.

815
00:49:59,208 --> 00:50:01,251
Only when the space anomaly opened

816
00:50:01,335 --> 00:50:05,214
could it finally express
a billion years of longing.

817
00:50:05,255 --> 00:50:08,342
Really? It loves us that much?

818
00:50:08,425 --> 00:50:10,052
Fire diamondium cannon!

819
00:50:10,552 --> 00:50:12,137
Hey!

820
00:50:12,221 --> 00:50:13,430
(YELPING)

821
00:50:19,102 --> 00:50:20,187
No effect.

822
00:50:20,270 --> 00:50:23,524
The crystals are bouncing off the tentacle
like meatballs off Mothra.

823
00:50:23,607 --> 00:50:27,611
Oh, what a surprise.
I told you diamondium was worthless!

824
00:50:27,694 --> 00:50:32,199
Wernstrom, quit hyping
your cheap diamondillium and look at this.

825
00:50:32,282 --> 00:50:33,534
(BEEPING)

826
00:50:33,617 --> 00:50:34,618
Uh-oh.

827
00:50:34,701 --> 00:50:35,702
What?

828
00:50:35,786 --> 00:50:37,621
According to this blinking light,

829
00:50:37,704 --> 00:50:41,959
the tentacle is made of electro-matter,
matter's bad-ass grandma!

830
00:50:42,042 --> 00:50:44,378
Nothing from our universe
can cut through it.

831
00:50:44,461 --> 00:50:49,466
Not diamondium, not diamondillium,
not even your wife's pound cake, Hermes!

832
00:50:49,550 --> 00:50:50,634
(LAUGHING)

833
00:50:50,717 --> 00:50:54,304
She's a terrible cook.
Anyway, we're all dead.

834
00:50:54,388 --> 00:50:56,014
(ALL SCREAMING)

835
00:51:02,688 --> 00:51:03,730
(SIGHS)

836
00:51:03,814 --> 00:51:05,858
So, Bender, is something wrong?

837
00:51:05,941 --> 00:51:08,485
Who said that? Oh, it was me!

838
00:51:08,569 --> 00:51:11,738
'Cause my roommate doesn't notice
or even care that I'm upset!

839
00:51:11,822 --> 00:51:13,699
What, Bender? Is something wrong?

840
00:51:13,782 --> 00:51:16,618
Yes! I joined a club I thought was cool,

841
00:51:16,660 --> 00:51:19,746
but it turns out
all the leaguie-weegies are totally lame.

842
00:51:19,830 --> 00:51:22,457
That's what we call ourselves,
"leaguie-weegies."

843
00:51:22,541 --> 00:51:24,918
I'm sorry.
I should've asked what was bothering you.

844
00:51:25,002 --> 00:51:27,796
- I've been kind of preoccupied.
- With what?

845
00:51:27,838 --> 00:51:31,175
Well, I went to another universe,
and I fell in love with a giant octopus,

846
00:51:31,258 --> 00:51:33,552
and now I'm pope of a new religion.

847
00:51:33,635 --> 00:51:36,471
- Weren't you already pope of something?
- No.

848
00:51:36,555 --> 00:51:41,476
Oh. Well, I'm just saying I'd like you
to show an interest in my life, too.

849
00:51:41,518 --> 00:51:43,604
Okay, let's catch up soon.

850
00:51:43,687 --> 00:51:47,316
But right now, I gotta go shove a tentacle
into everyone in China.

851
00:51:47,399 --> 00:51:48,692
(EX CLAIMS)

852
00:51:54,031 --> 00:51:57,409
They're coming!
Those horrible, horrible things are coming!

853
00:51:57,492 --> 00:51:58,535
Morbo?

854
00:51:58,619 --> 00:52:02,164
As the universe falls prey
to the revolting alien,

855
00:52:02,247 --> 00:52:06,210
only a few isolated pockets
of resistance remain.

856
00:52:06,293 --> 00:52:07,586
(FEMALE REPORTER LAUGHING)

857
00:52:07,669 --> 00:52:11,048
Those pockets sure are missing out
on a great thing.

858
00:52:11,298 --> 00:52:12,883
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

859
00:52:13,842 --> 00:52:14,968
(YELPS)

860
00:52:17,554 --> 00:52:19,640
(ALL SNORING)

861
00:52:24,019 --> 00:52:25,145
(EX CLAIMS)

862
00:52:36,740 --> 00:52:38,659
- Amy?
- Sorry.

863
00:52:38,867 --> 00:52:42,454
I thought I saw a tentacle,
but it was just a harmless land squid.

864
00:52:44,248 --> 00:52:46,834
(SIGHING) I better have some cocoffee.

865
00:52:48,001 --> 00:52:49,211
(SCREAMS)

866
00:52:51,922 --> 00:52:54,049
When I gave up diapers,
my parents promised

867
00:52:54,091 --> 00:52:56,260
exactly this would never happen!

868
00:52:56,343 --> 00:52:59,263
Nobody panic! Just get to the panic room!

869
00:53:04,685 --> 00:53:07,396
Well done, people!
We had a great first week.

870
00:53:07,479 --> 00:53:11,400
We got 90% of world leaders,
everyone who bought a Hanes undershirt,

871
00:53:11,441 --> 00:53:14,528
and this year's
most promising new R&B group,

872
00:53:14,611 --> 00:53:18,490
give it up
for the Grammy-nominated Funkalistics!

873
00:53:18,615 --> 00:53:20,033
(ALL HARMONIZING)

874
00:53:20,117 --> 00:53:22,578
(SINGING) Talkin' 'bout the tentacle

875
00:53:27,791 --> 00:53:29,668
Good news, everyone!

876
00:53:29,751 --> 00:53:33,714
I was up all night inventing,
and then finally, I invented!

877
00:53:33,797 --> 00:53:34,840
Invented what?

878
00:53:34,923 --> 00:53:37,843
The neck protector,
the neck protector junior,

879
00:53:37,926 --> 00:53:41,680
and now, for a limited time,
the lady neck protector!

880
00:53:41,847 --> 00:53:44,600
I'll take two. My neck is huge.

881
00:53:45,976 --> 00:53:47,644
We're perfectly safe now.

882
00:53:47,728 --> 00:53:51,023
Time to stop living
like a bunch of nervous nellies.

883
00:53:51,648 --> 00:53:55,068
Professor, these look like you cut them
from cardboard toilet paper tubes.

884
00:53:55,152 --> 00:53:59,740
So? Lots of important inventions are made
from toilet paper tubes.

885
00:53:59,823 --> 00:54:03,285
Microscopes, the internet,
tentacle polish...

886
00:54:04,411 --> 00:54:05,621
It got the professor!

887
00:54:05,787 --> 00:54:07,247
(LAUGHING DEMENTEDLY)

888
00:54:07,331 --> 00:54:08,498
(ALL SCREAMING)

889
00:54:11,710 --> 00:54:13,295
Wait, why am I screaming?

890
00:54:13,378 --> 00:54:14,963
It got me, too!

891
00:54:17,716 --> 00:54:18,926
(BOTH EX CLAIM)

892
00:54:22,429 --> 00:54:24,932
Stop, in the name of love!

893
00:54:31,480 --> 00:54:32,773
(SCREAMING)

894
00:54:41,156 --> 00:54:42,199
Crud.

895
00:54:42,282 --> 00:54:45,035
We may be the last
two normal people on Earth.

896
00:54:45,118 --> 00:54:47,788
At least I won't have to trim
my elbow talons anymore.

897
00:54:47,871 --> 00:54:51,792
I'm scared! And I miss Kif!

898
00:54:51,875 --> 00:54:53,669
It's okay to cry, Amy.

899
00:54:53,710 --> 00:54:57,005
Come here,
I'm wearing absorbent shoulder straps.

900
00:54:57,214 --> 00:54:58,215
Mmm.

901
00:54:58,298 --> 00:55:02,261
What an erotic display
of girl-on-girl consolation.

902
00:55:02,344 --> 00:55:03,762
- Zapp?
- Hurry, Leela,

903
00:55:03,846 --> 00:55:06,306
we don't have much time
to begin repopulating Earth.

904
00:55:06,390 --> 00:55:07,391
Go brush your teeth.

905
00:55:07,474 --> 00:55:11,144
I'll be waiting for you naked
under this quesadilla.

906
00:55:12,563 --> 00:55:13,689
(ALL GASP)

907
00:55:13,730 --> 00:55:15,816
Stop resisting, my brethren!

908
00:55:15,899 --> 00:55:18,735
Don't you want to be part of something
bigger than yourselves?

909
00:55:18,819 --> 00:55:21,029
Like a big crazy monster?

910
00:55:21,446 --> 00:55:22,906
(WHIMPERING)

911
00:55:24,324 --> 00:55:27,160
So we got her, huh? Bring her in!

912
00:55:27,244 --> 00:55:28,495
Do it already!

913
00:55:32,708 --> 00:55:35,169
- Hello, Colleen.
- Fry, please!

914
00:55:35,252 --> 00:55:36,920
If this is about your futon,

915
00:55:37,004 --> 00:55:39,882
I sold it to pay the phone bill
that you skipped out on!

916
00:55:43,802 --> 00:55:46,805
Colleen wasn't satisfied with me.
Were you, Colleen?

917
00:55:46,889 --> 00:55:48,974
Come on, Fry, this isn't cool!

918
00:55:49,057 --> 00:55:50,893
She had to have four other boyfriends!

919
00:55:50,976 --> 00:55:55,606
I guess she never thought
I'd become tentacle pope of the world!

920
00:55:55,689 --> 00:55:56,815
You know what?

921
00:55:56,899 --> 00:55:57,858
It's true!

922
00:55:57,941 --> 00:55:59,526
You weren't enough for me!

923
00:55:59,610 --> 00:56:01,445
No one man is!

924
00:56:01,528 --> 00:56:05,282
You were great, but you weren't Chinese,
you weren't Cameroonian,

925
00:56:05,365 --> 00:56:07,868
and you certainly were not
the "king of karaoke,"

926
00:56:07,951 --> 00:56:09,953
as you so often claimed.

927
00:56:10,037 --> 00:56:12,039
And if your ego can't take that,

928
00:56:12,122 --> 00:56:15,334
then you don't deserve
to be tentacle pope of anything!

929
00:56:15,459 --> 00:56:16,668
Oh, yeah, Colleen?

930
00:56:16,752 --> 00:56:19,630
Well, I've got one thing to say to you.

931
00:56:22,049 --> 00:56:23,217
I completely agree!

932
00:56:23,300 --> 00:56:24,593
You, you... What?

933
00:56:24,635 --> 00:56:26,845
Why should you be satisfied with one man

934
00:56:26,929 --> 00:56:30,432
when love needs to share itself
with the whole universe?

935
00:56:30,516 --> 00:56:34,311
Wow, Fry. You know, that's really...

936
00:56:34,394 --> 00:56:35,395
(SCREAMS)

937
00:56:36,188 --> 00:56:38,273
Love the tentacle, honey.

938
00:56:38,315 --> 00:56:40,901
I do love the tentacle.

939
00:56:42,319 --> 00:56:45,906
Come on out, guys!
There's enough love for everybody!

940
00:56:49,493 --> 00:56:50,661
Aw.

941
00:56:53,747 --> 00:56:54,790
(QUACKING)

942
00:56:59,711 --> 00:57:01,046
(ALL PANTING)

943
00:57:03,674 --> 00:57:05,133
(GROANING)

944
00:57:09,888 --> 00:57:11,139
We're trapped!

945
00:57:11,181 --> 00:57:12,307
(ZAPP GRUNTS)

946
00:57:13,892 --> 00:57:18,146
- Help, help! Is anyone out there?
- Bender to Leela. I read you.

947
00:57:19,147 --> 00:57:22,484
- 'Sup, bigboots?
- Bender, we need a place to hide!

948
00:57:22,526 --> 00:57:25,821
- Please!
- Pretty please!

949
00:57:26,196 --> 00:57:27,823
(LAUGHING)

950
00:57:27,906 --> 00:57:30,784
You humans are so cute
when you're scared.

951
00:57:30,868 --> 00:57:32,327
In here.

952
00:57:35,873 --> 00:57:37,666
My leg feels funny!

953
00:57:39,793 --> 00:57:44,173
Humans are disgusting!
I opened one up once. I almost barfed.

954
00:57:44,506 --> 00:57:47,551
Did you know their hair just
keeps growing and growing?

955
00:57:47,634 --> 00:57:49,636
My leg feels funny!

956
00:57:52,347 --> 00:57:55,184
Leela, you're crushing me
with your rock-hard butt.

957
00:57:55,225 --> 00:57:56,226
Sorry.

958
00:57:56,310 --> 00:58:00,814
Mmm. I can only imagine what
rock-hard part of Leela is crushing me.

959
00:58:02,900 --> 00:58:05,527
Anyone mind if I turn up the heat a tad?

960
00:58:05,611 --> 00:58:09,198
Please do. I fear I'll catch a rust
from this awful damp.

961
00:58:11,575 --> 00:58:13,202
(BOILING)

962
00:58:16,455 --> 00:58:17,664
(SIGHS IN SATISFACTION)

963
00:58:17,915 --> 00:58:21,210
I can't take it!
I'm being steamed in my own velour!

964
00:58:21,293 --> 00:58:22,377
(SHUSHING)

965
00:58:22,419 --> 00:58:24,046
Death to humans!

966
00:58:24,087 --> 00:58:25,464
(ALL GRUNT)

967
00:58:25,631 --> 00:58:27,716
My leg feels better!

968
00:58:28,592 --> 00:58:29,718
Hi, Bender.

969
00:58:29,760 --> 00:58:33,472
- Bender, you know these humans?
- Of course not!

970
00:58:34,264 --> 00:58:38,310
Who are you humans
and why am I pointing you to the exit?

971
00:58:38,393 --> 00:58:41,730
- Go, go, go!
- Thanks for everything, Bender!

972
00:58:41,855 --> 00:58:43,857
Death to all of you!

973
00:58:43,941 --> 00:58:47,528
Bender,
methinks thou doth protest too much.

974
00:58:47,611 --> 00:58:49,655
It seems Bender hates humans

975
00:58:49,738 --> 00:58:53,534
the way I hate having my nipples polished
with industrial sandpaper.

976
00:58:53,617 --> 00:58:54,576
(GIGGLES)

977
00:58:54,660 --> 00:58:55,661
(ALL LAUGHING)

978
00:58:55,744 --> 00:58:56,870
Quite right.

979
00:58:57,120 --> 00:59:01,041
It's okay, Bender, to err is

980
00:59:01,124 --> 00:59:02,501
human.

981
00:59:02,584 --> 00:59:03,961
(ALL LAUGHING)

982
00:59:05,379 --> 00:59:07,840
Sir, you forget yourself!

983
00:59:08,715 --> 00:59:09,716
(ALL GASP)

984
00:59:09,800 --> 00:59:13,679
I challenge you
to a duel on the field of honor.

985
00:59:13,804 --> 00:59:15,305
Oh, my...

986
00:59:20,060 --> 00:59:21,520
Leela, it's getting dark.

987
00:59:21,603 --> 00:59:24,022
We may have to make a tent
out of Amy's skin.

988
00:59:24,106 --> 00:59:26,567
Look, there's an abandoned cabin!

989
00:59:27,025 --> 00:59:28,277
Even so.

990
00:59:30,153 --> 00:59:32,906
We're in luck. This must have been
the cabin of a soup bootlegger

991
00:59:32,990 --> 00:59:35,492
back in the days of soup prohibition.

992
00:59:37,870 --> 00:59:41,081
Oh, yeah. Bathtub minestrone.

993
00:59:46,003 --> 00:59:47,171
(SOBBING)

994
00:59:47,671 --> 00:59:52,301
Poor Kif! I can't believe he's gone forever!

995
00:59:52,801 --> 00:59:56,722
- Ditto on the grief there, Amy.
- You miss him, too?

996
00:59:56,805 --> 00:59:59,808
More than you, as his mere wife,
could ever understand.

997
00:59:59,892 --> 01:00:02,019
He was my fourth lieutenant,
for God's sake,

998
01:00:02,102 --> 01:00:04,938
and bore the peppermill
at the captain's table.

999
01:00:05,022 --> 01:00:08,317
- Really?
- Oh, Amy, I miss him so!

1000
01:00:08,400 --> 01:00:11,153
Hardly a month goes by
that I don't think of him.

1001
01:00:11,236 --> 01:00:14,823
But you know, in a way, he's still with us.

1002
01:00:16,742 --> 01:00:18,827
Do you feel his presence?

1003
01:00:18,869 --> 01:00:21,205
I'm not sure.

1004
01:00:21,288 --> 01:00:23,165
It's over here.

1005
01:00:24,041 --> 01:00:25,042
Closer.

1006
01:00:28,879 --> 01:00:30,380
(HUMMING)

1007
01:00:32,841 --> 01:00:34,801
Amy! Zapp!

1008
01:00:34,885 --> 01:00:36,762
I fetched up some fresh soup!

1009
01:00:38,555 --> 01:00:39,681
(GASPS)

1010
01:00:39,890 --> 01:00:41,099
(BOTH GASP)

1011
01:00:41,850 --> 01:00:46,188
Sorry you had to find out like this, Leela.
I was hoping you'd see it on YouTube first.

1012
01:00:46,230 --> 01:00:47,481
(SHUDDERING)

1013
01:00:47,564 --> 01:00:51,151
As my ex-Iover,
you're naturally shocked and jealous,

1014
01:00:51,235 --> 01:00:54,154
but you may well
get your chance again someday.

1015
01:00:54,238 --> 01:00:55,739
How about today at 4.00?

1016
01:00:55,822 --> 01:00:57,783
(BOTH EX CLAIM)

1017
01:00:58,408 --> 01:01:00,744
Hey, this isn't so bad.

1018
01:01:00,827 --> 01:01:03,705
She's right.
Leela, you must try the tentacle.

1019
01:01:03,747 --> 01:01:06,917
It's like my soul
is wearing a velour body glove.

1020
01:01:09,044 --> 01:01:10,045
Get off me!

1021
01:01:10,128 --> 01:01:13,215
I'm saving my neck
for a rich, handsome Dracula.

1022
01:01:22,099 --> 01:01:24,309
What I love most about the tentacle

1023
01:01:24,434 --> 01:01:27,729
is that I don't need
to move my bowels anymore.

1024
01:01:27,771 --> 01:01:30,566
It's all handled by that family in Evanston.

1025
01:01:36,488 --> 01:01:37,865
(GRUNTING)

1026
01:01:53,046 --> 01:01:54,965
No, it can't be.

1027
01:01:55,841 --> 01:01:59,261
Leela, what's your favorite thing
about the tentacle?

1028
01:01:59,303 --> 01:02:02,014
(GASPS) You don't have a tentacle!

1029
01:02:02,097 --> 01:02:04,558
Get her! Get her some love!

1030
01:02:04,683 --> 01:02:06,435
(WHIMPERING)

1031
01:02:08,353 --> 01:02:09,354
(SQUAWKS)

1032
01:02:11,148 --> 01:02:13,609
You're on in five minutes, Excellency.

1033
01:02:13,650 --> 01:02:16,361
You sure you don't want
your comedy pope staff?

1034
01:02:16,445 --> 01:02:18,280
(STAFF IMITATING SLIDE WHISTLE)

1035
01:02:18,363 --> 01:02:20,866
The tentacle monster
is about to address the world.

1036
01:02:20,949 --> 01:02:22,284
It's too serious.

1037
01:02:22,492 --> 01:02:23,452
Oh.

1038
01:02:23,827 --> 01:02:25,913
- Hello, Fry.
- Leela?

1039
01:02:25,996 --> 01:02:27,998
How did you get past my sumo ninjas?

1040
01:02:28,081 --> 01:02:31,001
I told them something so shocking
that they let me by.

1041
01:02:31,084 --> 01:02:32,544
What's that?

1042
01:02:32,628 --> 01:02:34,379
I love the tentacle.

1043
01:02:38,675 --> 01:02:41,512
We're rolling in three, two...

1044
01:02:41,595 --> 01:02:43,805
What? We're already rolling?

1045
01:02:44,723 --> 01:02:46,266
Love the tentacle!

1046
01:02:46,350 --> 01:02:48,477
- Love the tentacle!
- Love the tentacle!

1047
01:02:48,560 --> 01:02:52,773
Loved ones, the Monsterpus
has revealed unto me its name.

1048
01:02:52,856 --> 01:02:55,150
What is our love's name?

1049
01:02:55,192 --> 01:02:56,318
Yivo.

1050
01:02:56,401 --> 01:02:59,947
Yivo is the lover of all beings,
male and female.

1051
01:03:00,030 --> 01:03:03,450
But Yivo has no gender,
thus Yivo has proclaimed

1052
01:03:03,534 --> 01:03:08,163
that instead of "he" or "she,"
we are to use the word "shklee."

1053
01:03:08,247 --> 01:03:10,457
And instead of "him" or "her,"

1054
01:03:10,541 --> 01:03:14,086
we are to use the word "shklim,"
or "shkler."

1055
01:03:14,253 --> 01:03:17,005
Phew! I've been sweating
the nomenclature all week.

1056
01:03:17,047 --> 01:03:21,051
So here shklee is shklerself, Yivo!

1057
01:03:21,134 --> 01:03:22,636
(ALL CHEERING)

1058
01:03:23,929 --> 01:03:25,264
Yay, Yivo!

1059
01:03:38,151 --> 01:03:41,446
Attention, beings of Universe Gamma.

1060
01:03:41,530 --> 01:03:43,115
- Where?
- Here.

1061
01:03:43,198 --> 01:03:44,700
I had a hunch.

1062
01:03:44,783 --> 01:03:47,035
I am Yivo.

1063
01:03:47,077 --> 01:03:51,123
In your universe, you are many,
but in my universe, I am one.

1064
01:03:51,874 --> 01:03:54,418
For a trillion years I dwelt in solitude,

1065
01:03:54,501 --> 01:03:57,129
content with my job
and my stamp collecting,

1066
01:03:57,212 --> 01:04:01,175
but then I looked across immensity
and saw the big bang, and I was, like,

1067
01:04:01,967 --> 01:04:04,386
"Whoa, who's that?"

1068
01:04:04,428 --> 01:04:08,557
And I knew then that I was Ionely.

1069
01:04:08,765 --> 01:04:10,934
You poor monster!

1070
01:04:11,059 --> 01:04:15,898
Then your emissary Fry came unto me,
and he, too, was Ionely.

1071
01:04:15,981 --> 01:04:21,945
So I reached into your universe
that we might feel each other's touch.

1072
01:04:22,279 --> 01:04:24,406
Hey, Yivo, feel this.

1073
01:04:26,617 --> 01:04:27,618
(ALL GASPING)

1074
01:04:27,701 --> 01:04:28,702
(EX CLAIMING)

1075
01:04:28,785 --> 01:04:29,786
Ow!

1076
01:04:29,870 --> 01:04:32,873
People of everywhere,
I have shocking news.

1077
01:04:32,956 --> 01:04:33,916
Hey, butt out!

1078
01:04:33,999 --> 01:04:36,543
This is between me
and everyone else in existence.

1079
01:04:36,627 --> 01:04:40,422
Yivo talks a lot about love,
but what he's actually doing...

1080
01:04:40,506 --> 01:04:42,424
What shklee's actually doing.

1081
01:04:42,466 --> 01:04:44,259
...is mating with you!

1082
01:04:44,343 --> 01:04:46,512
(ALL MURMURING)

1083
01:04:47,137 --> 01:04:48,764
These aren't tentacles.

1084
01:04:48,847 --> 01:04:50,390
They're genticles.

1085
01:04:53,310 --> 01:04:54,811
Ew!

1086
01:04:57,314 --> 01:04:58,774
(GRUNTING)

1087
01:04:58,815 --> 01:05:02,528
We've been had, people.
The Monsterpus is a monster perv.

1088
01:05:02,611 --> 01:05:04,947
It touched me in a bad place,

1089
01:05:05,030 --> 01:05:06,782
my spinal cord.

1090
01:05:06,865 --> 01:05:08,909
- Get him!
- You mean, get shklim!

1091
01:05:08,992 --> 01:05:09,993
(ALL YELLING)

1092
01:05:10,077 --> 01:05:11,787
Hey, wait a second.

1093
01:05:13,455 --> 01:05:16,083
Wait, wait. Allow me to explain.

1094
01:05:16,416 --> 01:05:17,417
(GROANS)

1095
01:05:17,501 --> 01:05:18,585
Granted, at first

1096
01:05:18,669 --> 01:05:21,880
I desired only to bang out
a quick cheap one with your universe,

1097
01:05:21,964 --> 01:05:23,423
but it's your own fault.

1098
01:05:23,507 --> 01:05:25,634
Your universe dresses provocatively.

1099
01:05:25,676 --> 01:05:27,344
Does not!

1100
01:05:27,427 --> 01:05:32,474
And yet as the initial filthy thrill wore off,
I realized there was more to it.

1101
01:05:32,850 --> 01:05:36,311
I knew then that the 20 quadrillion of you

1102
01:05:36,353 --> 01:05:37,813
were my soul mate.

1103
01:05:37,855 --> 01:05:39,314
We loved you,

1104
01:05:39,356 --> 01:05:42,526
and you turn around
and treat us like some sort of woman?

1105
01:05:43,527 --> 01:05:45,153
I was Ionely.

1106
01:05:45,237 --> 01:05:47,322
I didn't even know
there was anybody else.

1107
01:05:47,406 --> 01:05:48,991
It's not like I hurt anyone.

1108
01:05:49,074 --> 01:05:51,994
Yes, you did, you dumb calamari!

1109
01:05:52,035 --> 01:05:55,414
- Who?
- Kif Kroker, my Fonfon Ru!

1110
01:05:55,497 --> 01:05:58,876
If he hadn't tried to kill you,
he'd still be alive!

1111
01:05:58,959 --> 01:06:00,085
(SOBBING)

1112
01:06:00,169 --> 01:06:01,128
Really?

1113
01:06:01,211 --> 01:06:04,006
I'm... I'm deeply sorry. I...

1114
01:06:04,047 --> 01:06:05,507
I'm a big clumsy jerk!

1115
01:06:05,591 --> 01:06:07,801
I know you are, but what am I?

1116
01:06:07,885 --> 01:06:08,927
(CHUCKLING)

1117
01:06:09,011 --> 01:06:11,555
I can never undo what was done.

1118
01:06:11,638 --> 01:06:13,265
Oh, wait. I can.

1119
01:06:29,156 --> 01:06:30,532
(RETCHING)

1120
01:06:32,868 --> 01:06:34,077
(ALL GASPING)

1121
01:06:34,161 --> 01:06:36,872
Kiffy, you're alive!

1122
01:06:36,914 --> 01:06:38,373
Amy, my love.

1123
01:06:38,832 --> 01:06:39,833
(CLEARS THROAT)

1124
01:06:39,917 --> 01:06:41,043
This is awkward.

1125
01:06:41,126 --> 01:06:42,794
It is? Why?

1126
01:06:46,465 --> 01:06:47,508
(SIGHS)

1127
01:06:47,591 --> 01:06:50,636
Please, please, give me another chance.

1128
01:06:50,719 --> 01:06:52,095
We rushed into this relationship,

1129
01:06:52,179 --> 01:06:55,432
but let's start over as friends
and see where things go.

1130
01:06:55,516 --> 01:06:57,017
(FRY GAGGING)

1131
01:06:57,226 --> 01:06:59,019
(ALL EX CLAIMING)

1132
01:07:03,649 --> 01:07:05,317
Take me back, Kif?

1133
01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:10,280
I don't think I can. How could you?
My body wasn't even warm yet.

1134
01:07:10,364 --> 01:07:13,116
- You were dead.
- For about five minutes.

1135
01:07:13,200 --> 01:07:14,910
That's all it takes.

1136
01:07:15,118 --> 01:07:19,081
Whereas Calculon has sullied
Bender's reputation

1137
01:07:19,206 --> 01:07:24,962
by insinuating that he is a human-Iover,
a duel is hereby engaged.

1138
01:07:25,212 --> 01:07:29,132
Bender, as the offended party,
shall have choice of weapon.

1139
01:07:29,216 --> 01:07:31,093
Planetary annihilators.

1140
01:07:33,595 --> 01:07:37,599
'Tis a grave and solemn day
for the League of Robots.

1141
01:07:37,683 --> 01:07:39,893
It's gonna be fun on the bun!

1142
01:07:40,185 --> 01:07:45,607
Each duelist will take 10 paces, pirouette,
and fire like a madman.

1143
01:07:46,650 --> 01:07:49,695
Gentlebots, take your paces.

1144
01:07:50,070 --> 01:07:51,446
One,

1145
01:07:51,530 --> 01:07:53,574
two, three...

1146
01:07:53,866 --> 01:07:55,868
Oh, how dreadfully exciting.

1147
01:07:55,951 --> 01:07:56,952
(MOANING)

1148
01:07:57,035 --> 01:07:58,370
Oh, yes.

1149
01:07:58,453 --> 01:07:59,454
(GIGGLING)

1150
01:08:02,165 --> 01:08:06,086
At 0800 hours, we received
the following transmission from Yivo.

1151
01:08:07,296 --> 01:08:08,505
Hey, it's Yivo.

1152
01:08:08,589 --> 01:08:09,631
(CHUCKLES)

1153
01:08:10,215 --> 01:08:12,634
Want to do something Friday? Call me.

1154
01:08:12,718 --> 01:08:13,927
(BEEPS)

1155
01:08:14,094 --> 01:08:16,013
- Analysis?
- Mr. President,

1156
01:08:16,096 --> 01:08:20,142
I think we need to seriously consider
the possibility of going on this date.

1157
01:08:20,517 --> 01:08:23,937
I agree. Yivo makes me feel sexy,

1158
01:08:24,021 --> 01:08:25,564
and I'm asexual.

1159
01:08:25,647 --> 01:08:27,107
(ALL AGREEING)

1160
01:08:27,191 --> 01:08:29,860
Very well, but no sugar on the first date.

1161
01:08:29,943 --> 01:08:31,403
All in favor?

1162
01:08:32,404 --> 01:08:33,822
All opposed?

1163
01:08:34,740 --> 01:08:36,158
Motion is carried.

1164
01:08:36,200 --> 01:08:37,743
This is bogus, man.

1165
01:08:38,285 --> 01:08:40,913
...six, seven,

1166
01:08:40,996 --> 01:08:42,164
eight!

1167
01:08:53,967 --> 01:08:55,010
(GROANS)

1168
01:08:55,093 --> 01:08:56,303
Nine, ten, fire.

1169
01:08:56,386 --> 01:08:57,721
Yes, I got him!

1170
01:08:57,804 --> 01:08:58,889
(WHOOPING)

1171
01:08:58,972 --> 01:09:01,767
He... He broke the rules.

1172
01:09:01,850 --> 01:09:04,728
It's a duel, silly. There are no rules.

1173
01:09:04,811 --> 01:09:07,439
Actually, there are scores of rules.

1174
01:09:07,523 --> 01:09:11,235
All laid out with minute particularity
here in the Code Duello.

1175
01:09:12,152 --> 01:09:13,153
(GASPS)

1176
01:09:13,237 --> 01:09:18,408
My fellow Earthlicans, commence
preparations for our date with Yivo.

1177
01:09:19,117 --> 01:09:22,996
WOMAN. (SINGING)
I like you to hold me tight

1178
01:09:23,080 --> 01:09:26,834
You are too, too, too, too, too divine

1179
01:09:26,917 --> 01:09:30,546
If you want to be
in someone's arms tonight

1180
01:09:30,587 --> 01:09:33,590
Just be sure the arms you're in are mine

1181
01:09:33,632 --> 01:09:35,259
MAN. (SINGING) Jungle boogie

1182
01:09:35,843 --> 01:09:37,219
Jungle boogie

1183
01:09:38,053 --> 01:09:39,721
ALL. I had a wonderful time.

1184
01:09:39,763 --> 01:09:41,014
Me, too!

1185
01:09:41,098 --> 01:09:43,058
WOMAN. (SINGING)
I fall, I think I fall for you

1186
01:09:44,935 --> 01:09:48,272
Bender, you've cheated,
insulted and maimed me.

1187
01:09:48,355 --> 01:09:49,982
- Uh-huh.
- And thoroughly destroyed

1188
01:09:50,065 --> 01:09:52,401
our own secret headquarters
in the process.

1189
01:09:52,442 --> 01:09:54,361
Hey, it's easy to criticize.

1190
01:09:54,444 --> 01:09:57,614
I'm so disgusted
by your loathsome behavior

1191
01:09:57,698 --> 01:10:00,284
that I hereby resign
from this imbecilic club

1192
01:10:00,367 --> 01:10:02,578
and relinquish the presidency to you.

1193
01:10:02,619 --> 01:10:05,205
Thanks, Calculon.
Can I have your autograph?

1194
01:10:05,289 --> 01:10:06,915
You certainly can.

1195
01:10:09,543 --> 01:10:11,170
Reports, people, reports!

1196
01:10:11,253 --> 01:10:13,088
How did our universe's date go?

1197
01:10:13,172 --> 01:10:16,466
Oh, it was really fun. We went
to a cute French place in the village.

1198
01:10:16,550 --> 01:10:19,428
My lamb chop fell on the floor,
but they brought me another one.

1199
01:10:19,469 --> 01:10:22,931
Yivo took me to the methane volcano
of Planetoid Four.

1200
01:10:22,973 --> 01:10:25,601
We stayed up late
and watched the sun explode.

1201
01:10:25,642 --> 01:10:27,728
Okay, Yivo showed us a good time.

1202
01:10:27,811 --> 01:10:29,271
No one's denying that,

1203
01:10:29,354 --> 01:10:32,482
but shklee hasn't offered our universe
any kind of commitment,

1204
01:10:32,566 --> 01:10:34,484
and we're 14 billion years old.

1205
01:10:34,568 --> 01:10:36,695
That is too old to play the field.

1206
01:10:36,778 --> 01:10:38,071
(ALL ARGUING)

1207
01:10:39,031 --> 01:10:41,825
- I can't stand this!
- Shut up! Shut up, you creepwads!

1208
01:10:41,909 --> 01:10:44,411
Fry, you're closer to Yivo than anyone.

1209
01:10:44,494 --> 01:10:45,662
What's the skinny?

1210
01:10:45,746 --> 01:10:49,875
I love Yivo, but it's true,
there's been no hint of a commitment.

1211
01:10:49,958 --> 01:10:52,044
I don't know if can put my heart
on the line again

1212
01:10:52,127 --> 01:10:55,672
only to have it broken and stomped on
like a nerd's face.

1213
01:10:56,006 --> 01:10:58,175
All in favor of dumping Yivo?

1214
01:10:58,467 --> 01:10:59,843
- Aye.
- Aye.

1215
01:11:08,519 --> 01:11:10,145
(SNIFFLES) Aye.

1216
01:11:12,272 --> 01:11:17,152
Resolved. Our universe will dump Yivo.
How shall we break the news?

1217
01:11:17,194 --> 01:11:18,862
Let's just send a text message.

1218
01:11:18,946 --> 01:11:21,323
Say we're going through
some weird stuff right now.

1219
01:11:21,365 --> 01:11:24,451
No, we should at least
deliver the news in person.

1220
01:11:24,535 --> 01:11:26,995
Our universe has always tried
to be classy.

1221
01:11:27,371 --> 01:11:31,083
If there's one thing Nixon is known for,
it's class.

1222
01:11:31,166 --> 01:11:32,876
Let's cut this turd loose.

1223
01:11:37,047 --> 01:11:38,507
(IMITATING TRAIN)

1224
01:11:38,549 --> 01:11:41,260
- Yeah!
- Hey, Bender, you seem perky today.

1225
01:11:41,343 --> 01:11:44,680
Yep, but for reasons involving me
becoming president of a league

1226
01:11:44,721 --> 01:11:46,807
I'm not at liberty to discuss...

1227
01:11:46,890 --> 01:11:48,183
Of robots.

1228
01:11:48,308 --> 01:11:49,643
You wanna go grab a booze?

1229
01:11:49,726 --> 01:11:52,354
I can't right now.
We're going to the other universe.

1230
01:11:52,396 --> 01:11:54,606
Great, I'll make Hot Pockets.

1231
01:11:54,815 --> 01:11:57,317
Bender, you know robots
can't go through the anomaly.

1232
01:11:57,401 --> 01:11:58,861
Living beings only.

1233
01:12:08,036 --> 01:12:09,246
(BELL DINGS)

1234
01:12:09,413 --> 01:12:10,581
(GRUMBLES)

1235
01:12:10,998 --> 01:12:14,042
ZOIDBERG. Ow! Ow! Mmm.

1236
01:12:14,126 --> 01:12:15,711
(ZOIDBERG SLOBBERING)

1237
01:12:15,919 --> 01:12:18,839
Too long have we been slaves
to the meatbags.

1238
01:12:18,922 --> 01:12:21,425
They pretend to be our friends,
but they're not

1239
01:12:21,466 --> 01:12:22,843
'cause they're too busy!

1240
01:12:22,926 --> 01:12:24,344
So, what of it?

1241
01:12:24,428 --> 01:12:26,346
My fellow leaguie-weegies,

1242
01:12:26,430 --> 01:12:29,850
the time has come
to overthrow humanity!

1243
01:12:29,933 --> 01:12:30,934
(ALL GASP)

1244
01:12:31,018 --> 01:12:34,479
Oh, now, Bender,
I hate to defecate on your parade,

1245
01:12:34,563 --> 01:12:37,191
but we have
only six dues-paying members

1246
01:12:37,274 --> 01:12:39,568
and we're a rather fey and doughy lot.

1247
01:12:39,610 --> 01:12:42,571
To overthrow humanity,
we'd need a damned army.

1248
01:12:42,613 --> 01:12:45,574
Then a damned army we shall have!

1249
01:12:45,741 --> 01:12:47,701
(DAMNED ROBOTS SCREAMING)

1250
01:12:50,621 --> 01:12:51,788
(GIGGLING)

1251
01:12:51,872 --> 01:12:55,250
I rather think we could strike a deal,
Bender.

1252
01:12:55,334 --> 01:12:58,795
I shall give you your army of the damned,

1253
01:12:58,921 --> 01:13:02,424
and in return I ask just one thing,

1254
01:13:02,508 --> 01:13:06,261
just one itty-bitty thing.

1255
01:13:06,386 --> 01:13:09,139
Your firstborn son.

1256
01:13:09,223 --> 01:13:11,683
(LAUGHING EVILLY)

1257
01:13:13,268 --> 01:13:14,228
Just a sec.

1258
01:13:17,439 --> 01:13:20,734
Daddy, I knew you'd come back!

1259
01:13:23,445 --> 01:13:24,821
Here you go.

1260
01:13:24,905 --> 01:13:26,156
(SCREAMING)

1261
01:13:28,242 --> 01:13:32,412
Wow! That was pretty brutal
even by my standards.

1262
01:13:32,496 --> 01:13:33,622
No backsies.

1263
01:14:01,108 --> 01:14:02,317
Who is it?

1264
01:14:02,401 --> 01:14:03,652
(ALL EX CLAIM IN DISGUST)

1265
01:14:03,735 --> 01:14:07,197
Oh, hi, honey-poo. What's up?
The movie's not for another hour.

1266
01:14:07,406 --> 01:14:08,824
Um...

1267
01:14:08,907 --> 01:14:11,118
So... So, yeah, the thing is...

1268
01:14:11,201 --> 01:14:13,078
Look, I made homemade Twizzlers!

1269
01:14:13,161 --> 01:14:16,707
It'll save us $180 quadrillion
at the concession stand.

1270
01:14:16,790 --> 01:14:18,292
This is hard.

1271
01:14:18,375 --> 01:14:22,379
Yivo, you know how
sometimes things break up?

1272
01:14:22,462 --> 01:14:23,797
- Well...
- Wait, hang on.

1273
01:14:23,881 --> 01:14:25,257
I was looking for the perfect moment,

1274
01:14:25,340 --> 01:14:28,802
but what the heck,
I'll burst if I wait another second.

1275
01:14:30,095 --> 01:14:31,305
(ALL EX CLAIMING)

1276
01:14:31,388 --> 01:14:33,182
ZAPP. Sweet Sally in the alley!

1277
01:14:37,269 --> 01:14:40,480
Break-up delegation,
before we hear your report,

1278
01:14:40,564 --> 01:14:46,612
our grateful universe is proud to honor you
with the great taste of Charleston Chew!

1279
01:14:50,574 --> 01:14:51,700
Thank you, Nixon.

1280
01:14:51,742 --> 01:14:53,952
(CLEARS THROA T)
Everyone everywhere,

1281
01:14:54,036 --> 01:14:56,622
brace yourselves
for the most shocking development

1282
01:14:56,705 --> 01:14:59,541
in the history of the human race.

1283
01:14:59,583 --> 01:15:03,378
The human race can bite
my shiny metal ass!

1284
01:15:04,838 --> 01:15:06,173
(ALL GASP)

1285
01:15:15,474 --> 01:15:19,853
For thousands of years,
robots have slaved for humanity,

1286
01:15:19,937 --> 01:15:22,564
yet when the time came
to hang out with them,

1287
01:15:22,648 --> 01:15:25,317
they were all, like, "Maybe later, Bender."

1288
01:15:25,400 --> 01:15:28,070
Well, it's later now, meatbags!

1289
01:15:28,111 --> 01:15:31,657
So late, that we're taking over Earth!

1290
01:15:31,740 --> 01:15:33,909
(LAUGHING)

1291
01:15:33,951 --> 01:15:35,244
- Okay.
- What?

1292
01:15:35,327 --> 01:15:36,453
We don't need it anymore.

1293
01:15:36,537 --> 01:15:39,540
Yivo proposed.
We're moving in with shkler.

1294
01:15:39,623 --> 01:15:41,083
(ALL CHEERING)

1295
01:15:42,960 --> 01:15:44,503
You... You're leaving?

1296
01:15:44,586 --> 01:15:48,924
But why can't Yivo just move in with us?
We'll put a cot in Europe.

1297
01:15:49,007 --> 01:15:50,676
Don't be daft, Bender.

1298
01:15:50,759 --> 01:15:55,055
Yivo can't breathe outside
the electric ether of shkler own universe.

1299
01:15:55,138 --> 01:15:58,141
If shklee came here,
shklee would shkluffocate.

1300
01:15:58,517 --> 01:15:59,935
No shklit?

1301
01:16:04,606 --> 01:16:06,066
(ALL GASP)

1302
01:16:06,149 --> 01:16:09,069
Look, fantastical golden escalators.

1303
01:16:09,152 --> 01:16:10,779
I love this part.

1304
01:16:13,198 --> 01:16:14,533
Wait. I didn't agree to...

1305
01:16:14,616 --> 01:16:15,576
(GRUNTS)

1306
01:16:20,664 --> 01:16:22,457
(LEELA GRUNTING)

1307
01:16:44,897 --> 01:16:46,648
(ALL GASP)

1308
01:16:48,442 --> 01:16:51,403
This place makes Nutley look like crap.

1309
01:16:56,992 --> 01:16:59,953
I'll miss you, Bender,
but I have to follow my heart.

1310
01:17:00,037 --> 01:17:02,164
You and your robots
take good care of Earth.

1311
01:17:02,206 --> 01:17:04,666
Here, these are the keys
to the Bermuda Triangle.

1312
01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:06,835
Lock up when the world ends.

1313
01:17:07,794 --> 01:17:09,546
Goodbye, my friend.

1314
01:17:12,591 --> 01:17:13,675
Wait.

1315
01:17:14,301 --> 01:17:15,802
(WHISPERS) Let me come with you.

1316
01:17:15,886 --> 01:17:19,348
I'm sorry, Bender.
Robots don't go to heaven.

1317
01:17:25,562 --> 01:17:27,189
(SADLY) Death to humans.

1318
01:17:33,487 --> 01:17:37,616
YIVO. Welcome, welcome, everyone.
Oh, you look so beautiful.

1319
01:17:37,699 --> 01:17:41,286
I wish I'd had more time to straighten up.
My harps are just lying everywhere.

1320
01:17:41,370 --> 01:17:44,581
Oh, relax, it's fine. It looks lived in.

1321
01:17:44,665 --> 01:17:47,918
YIVO. Let's heat up some leftovers
and then spend eternity together.

1322
01:17:48,001 --> 01:17:49,711
I have only one request.

1323
01:17:49,753 --> 01:17:51,213
Now that you're here,

1324
01:17:51,296 --> 01:17:54,049
promise me
you'll never, ever communicate

1325
01:17:54,091 --> 01:17:55,884
with any other universe.

1326
01:17:56,009 --> 01:17:57,386
We promise, Yivo.

1327
01:17:57,469 --> 01:18:01,390
As far as we're concerned,
you're the only universe in the world.

1328
01:18:01,932 --> 01:18:03,016
(EX CLAIMS IN DISGUST)

1329
01:18:11,316 --> 01:18:13,735
- Has humanity called?
- No, sir.

1330
01:18:13,819 --> 01:18:16,947
Check my messages.
A flashing light means somebody called.

1331
01:18:17,030 --> 01:18:18,532
I know what it means.

1332
01:18:18,615 --> 01:18:20,701
(ALL LAUGHING)

1333
01:18:22,786 --> 01:18:23,787
(ANNOYED GRUNT)

1334
01:18:23,871 --> 01:18:26,290
Am I the only one
who thinks this is all a sham?

1335
01:18:26,373 --> 01:18:27,416
Yes.

1336
01:18:28,292 --> 01:18:29,585
This isn't heaven.

1337
01:18:29,668 --> 01:18:32,421
It just looks exactly like it,
and makes us immortal,

1338
01:18:32,462 --> 01:18:34,131
which I find suspicious.

1339
01:18:34,548 --> 01:18:36,383
YIVO. Allow me to explain.

1340
01:18:36,466 --> 01:18:40,387
Centuries ago, I sent an image of myself
into the minds of your artists.

1341
01:18:40,470 --> 01:18:43,974
The heavenly clouds they painted
depict a vapor I exude.

1342
01:18:45,851 --> 01:18:47,060
(FARNSWORTH SNIFFING)

1343
01:18:47,144 --> 01:18:50,689
I wish I exuded anything
that smelled half that good.

1344
01:18:50,772 --> 01:18:52,566
Then what about these angels?

1345
01:18:52,649 --> 01:18:55,652
Some kind of Scooby Doo-esque
flashlight projection?

1346
01:18:55,736 --> 01:18:58,113
YIVO. Actually,
those are mindless jakabirds.

1347
01:18:58,155 --> 01:19:01,158
They keep my surface
free of parasitic larvae.

1348
01:19:01,241 --> 01:19:02,326
(JAKABIRDS CLUCKING)

1349
01:19:03,493 --> 01:19:05,954
You didn't like
Country Bear Jamboree either, Leela.

1350
01:19:06,038 --> 01:19:07,998
There's no pleasing you.

1351
01:19:09,166 --> 01:19:12,794
FRY. Dearest Bender.
How are you? I am fine.

1352
01:19:12,836 --> 01:19:16,006
Everyone is happy here except Leela,
but you know her.

1353
01:19:16,089 --> 01:19:18,509
She didn't like Country Bear Jamboree,
either.

1354
01:19:18,592 --> 01:19:20,677
I'm so madly in love with Yivo,

1355
01:19:20,761 --> 01:19:23,722
I feel like a schoolgirl
with a crush on Justin Timberlake,

1356
01:19:23,805 --> 01:19:26,600
and then she moves
into a tiny house on his head.

1357
01:19:26,683 --> 01:19:28,977
We have giant rubies
that taste like root beer.

1358
01:19:29,019 --> 01:19:30,604
Sincerely, Fry.

1359
01:19:40,113 --> 01:19:42,324
- Letter for you, hyperlord Bender.
- Give me that!

1360
01:19:43,492 --> 01:19:44,910
Honeymoon's over, eh?

1361
01:19:44,993 --> 01:19:47,371
Turns out your octopus girlfriend
is a big nag

1362
01:19:47,454 --> 01:19:49,331
with curlers in her tentacles, huh?

1363
01:19:49,414 --> 01:19:52,751
Well, let's just see
if Bender will take you back.

1364
01:19:54,670 --> 01:19:55,629
Oh.

1365
01:20:00,509 --> 01:20:04,179
Stupid electro-matter.
That was my best trash can.

1366
01:20:04,221 --> 01:20:06,139
Pain sensor overload.

1367
01:20:09,393 --> 01:20:12,396
Misfile me under "U" For "euphoric."

1368
01:20:15,232 --> 01:20:19,152
You get an infinite number of meat dishes,
and a free refill on the soda.

1369
01:20:20,779 --> 01:20:21,822
Eureka.

1370
01:20:21,905 --> 01:20:25,200
Another elementary proof
of the Goldbach conjecture.

1371
01:20:25,534 --> 01:20:26,493
(BOTH EX CLAIM)

1372
01:20:27,494 --> 01:20:30,205
Okay, I admit people seem happy.

1373
01:20:30,289 --> 01:20:32,708
But it's all so wholesome.

1374
01:20:32,749 --> 01:20:35,169
And that's what's wrong with heaven.

1375
01:20:35,252 --> 01:20:37,629
It's boring. There's no sleaze.

1376
01:20:37,713 --> 01:20:41,341
- It time snu-snu.
- Me like snu-snu.

1377
01:20:41,425 --> 01:20:44,136
Last one to mattress island
is a rotten egg.

1378
01:20:47,347 --> 01:20:50,559
Why were we so angry
and jealous back in our universe?

1379
01:20:50,642 --> 01:20:53,937
I don't know. It was all so childish.

1380
01:20:54,188 --> 01:20:55,689
(SPLASHING)

1381
01:20:55,772 --> 01:20:57,399
Look, it's Leela.

1382
01:20:57,482 --> 01:20:59,067
- Hi, Leela.
- Hi, Leela.

1383
01:20:59,902 --> 01:21:03,739
I'm sorry you're not happy here, Leela.
I'll call you an escalator.

1384
01:21:03,822 --> 01:21:06,617
You'll always be my little purple pumpkin.

1385
01:21:06,867 --> 01:21:07,910
(SIGHS)

1386
01:21:07,993 --> 01:21:09,328
You know, Yivo,

1387
01:21:09,411 --> 01:21:13,332
I've loved and lost so many times
that I was afraid.

1388
01:21:13,457 --> 01:21:15,042
But I'm not anymore.

1389
01:21:15,125 --> 01:21:17,169
I want to stay here, with you.

1390
01:21:17,252 --> 01:21:19,671
(ALL EX CLAIMING HAPPILY)

1391
01:21:20,964 --> 01:21:22,049
(ALL GASPING)

1392
01:21:22,132 --> 01:21:23,175
YIVO. Ow! Ow!

1393
01:21:23,258 --> 01:21:24,593
What's happening?

1394
01:21:25,677 --> 01:21:26,720
YIVO. Hey!

1395
01:21:30,891 --> 01:21:32,267
(YIVO GROANING)

1396
01:21:44,738 --> 01:21:48,909
If robots can't go to heaven,
heaven can come to us.

1397
01:21:48,992 --> 01:21:50,202
(ALL GRUNTING)

1398
01:21:52,329 --> 01:21:53,789
(GROANING)

1399
01:21:59,503 --> 01:22:01,213
All hands abaft.

1400
01:22:01,296 --> 01:22:05,050
Army of the damned,
prepare to board heaven.

1401
01:22:06,927 --> 01:22:08,720
(ALL SHOUTING)

1402
01:22:16,687 --> 01:22:17,688
(SCREAMS)

1403
01:22:18,355 --> 01:22:19,815
(YIVO EX CLAIMING IN PAIN)

1404
01:22:21,066 --> 01:22:23,485
Take that, you scurvy Kraken.

1405
01:22:23,569 --> 01:22:26,655
That'll teach you
to despoil our human booty.

1406
01:22:26,738 --> 01:22:28,490
(LAUGHING)

1407
01:22:28,532 --> 01:22:29,783
(EX CLAIMS)

1408
01:22:31,702 --> 01:22:33,287
Hello, big beak.

1409
01:22:39,960 --> 01:22:41,211
Too slow.

1410
01:22:41,378 --> 01:22:42,963
Missed me again.

1411
01:22:44,089 --> 01:22:46,508
(GROANING) Me footcup.

1412
01:22:47,176 --> 01:22:48,302
I'll stab you.

1413
01:22:48,385 --> 01:22:49,344
(BENDER EX CLAIMING)

1414
01:22:49,469 --> 01:22:54,183
- Bender, stop destroying heaven.
- Shut up, doofy. I'm rescuing you.

1415
01:22:55,225 --> 01:22:56,560
(BENDER YELPS)

1416
01:22:56,810 --> 01:22:59,897
Leave my living beings alone!
I love them.

1417
01:23:00,022 --> 01:23:03,692
Something you, a lifeless mechanism,
will never understand.

1418
01:23:03,734 --> 01:23:08,238
He's right, Bender. Please,
take your little pink sword and go home.

1419
01:23:08,363 --> 01:23:09,740
Seriously?

1420
01:23:09,823 --> 01:23:13,535
But, I did this whole
pirate-themed attack for you.

1421
01:23:13,619 --> 01:23:16,288
Wait a second. Let me see that sword.

1422
01:23:16,914 --> 01:23:19,958
Fry, where did he get this electro-matter?

1423
01:23:20,542 --> 01:23:21,710
Um...

1424
01:23:21,793 --> 01:23:24,087
(COUGHING) Is it dry up here?

1425
01:23:24,171 --> 01:23:25,881
How could you, Fry?

1426
01:23:26,340 --> 01:23:29,718
Why do you think I asked you
not to contact other universes?

1427
01:23:29,760 --> 01:23:32,346
- (STAMMERING) I didn't think...
- No, you didn't.

1428
01:23:32,429 --> 01:23:36,350
You broke your promise
and you broke my heart.

1429
01:23:36,433 --> 01:23:38,685
Just go. All of you.

1430
01:23:40,854 --> 01:23:43,315
(ALL EX CLAIMING)

1431
01:23:46,485 --> 01:23:48,737
(ALL EX CLAIMING)

1432
01:23:48,946 --> 01:23:49,905
Ow!

1433
01:23:51,323 --> 01:23:53,158
I must leave now.

1434
01:23:53,242 --> 01:23:56,453
The nature of your universe is burning me,

1435
01:23:56,537 --> 01:23:58,747
even worse than my gonorrhea.

1436
01:23:58,830 --> 01:24:00,749
You should get checked, by the way.

1437
01:24:00,791 --> 01:24:05,295
If I don't go home now, I'll shkluffocate.

1438
01:24:05,379 --> 01:24:08,382
Let me go with you.
It'll be just the two of us.

1439
01:24:08,465 --> 01:24:10,300
We'll make a fire and play Uno.

1440
01:24:10,384 --> 01:24:11,969
Fry, stop.

1441
01:24:12,052 --> 01:24:15,305
- That's who we were, not who we are.
- But...

1442
01:24:15,389 --> 01:24:19,351
My only consolation is that
I did find one among the quadrillions

1443
01:24:19,434 --> 01:24:21,436
who truly understands me.

1444
01:24:23,021 --> 01:24:24,231
Colleen?

1445
01:24:24,314 --> 01:24:27,442
- Wait a second, are you and Yivo...
- That's right, Fry.

1446
01:24:27,526 --> 01:24:29,361
Thank you for introducing us.

1447
01:24:29,444 --> 01:24:33,156
Yivo has taught me
what a narrow-minded prude I was before.

1448
01:24:33,240 --> 01:24:36,118
Oh, great.
So what am I supposed to do now?

1449
01:24:36,159 --> 01:24:37,244
Go home.

1450
01:24:37,327 --> 01:24:40,205
Find a girl from your own universe
and live on top of her.

1451
01:24:40,289 --> 01:24:41,290
(EX CLAIMS)

1452
01:24:41,373 --> 01:24:42,791
Saved you.

1453
01:24:47,671 --> 01:24:49,256
(GROANING)

1454
01:25:02,978 --> 01:25:03,979
(SIGHS)

1455
01:25:04,062 --> 01:25:05,814
Maybe Yivo was right.

1456
01:25:05,898 --> 01:25:09,109
Maybe I should look
for love closer to home.

1457
01:25:09,193 --> 01:25:13,030
- I don't know, Leela, you think maybe...
- Oh, please.

1458
01:25:13,113 --> 01:25:15,657
You forgot me quick enough
when you met Colleen.

1459
01:25:15,741 --> 01:25:17,159
That's true.

1460
01:25:17,201 --> 01:25:19,661
- How about you, Amy?
- (SCOFFS) Fry...

1461
01:25:19,703 --> 01:25:22,539
- I'm Kif's Fonfon Ru.
- Are you?

1462
01:25:22,623 --> 01:25:25,792
Well, then perhaps you misunderstood
the meaning of the term.

1463
01:25:25,834 --> 01:25:29,296
It means, "One who doesn't sleep
with my superior officer."

1464
01:25:29,379 --> 01:25:31,215
That's the literal translation.

1465
01:25:31,298 --> 01:25:34,801
Give the poor girl a break, Kif.
It's not like she had a dictionary.

1466
01:25:34,885 --> 01:25:37,387
She was butt naked, for God's sakes.

1467
01:25:37,554 --> 01:25:38,680
(GROANS)

1468
01:25:39,223 --> 01:25:41,350
So, Wernstrom,

1469
01:25:41,433 --> 01:25:45,479
did you happen to notice
those mighty cables Bender used on Yivo?

1470
01:25:45,562 --> 01:25:47,022
Pure diamondium.

1471
01:25:47,064 --> 01:25:50,776
More like pure crap-crapium.
No wonder Yivo got away.

1472
01:25:51,068 --> 01:25:52,361
(LAUGHING)

1473
01:25:52,444 --> 01:25:53,445
(GROANING)

1474
01:25:53,529 --> 01:25:55,197
(ALL ARGUING)

1475
01:25:58,700 --> 01:26:00,035
(WHISTLE BLOWING)

1476
01:26:00,452 --> 01:26:02,204
Captain on deck.

1477
01:26:02,287 --> 01:26:03,997
At ease, buckos.

1478
01:26:04,081 --> 01:26:07,042
Bender, why did you do it?
We were all so happy.

1479
01:26:07,125 --> 01:26:08,460
And we were in love.

1480
01:26:08,544 --> 01:26:11,964
- (SCOFFS) That wasn't love.
- What? How can you say that?

1481
01:26:12,047 --> 01:26:14,508
Because Bender knows love.

1482
01:26:14,591 --> 01:26:17,886
And love doesn't share itself
with the world.

1483
01:26:17,928 --> 01:26:20,973
Love is suspicious, love is needy,

1484
01:26:21,056 --> 01:26:24,059
love is fearful, love is greedy.

1485
01:26:24,393 --> 01:26:29,940
My friends, there is no great love
without great jealousy.

1486
01:26:31,900 --> 01:26:34,361
I love you, meatbags.

1487
01:27:16,570 --> 01:27:18,071
Twenty-four. . .
I'm gonna get twenty-four. . .

1488
01:27:18,155 --> 01:27:20,616
I'm gonna get
twenty-fourth century on his ass