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| Episode: Space Pilot 3000 
Opener: In color
Characters:
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Fry: Space, it seems to go on and on forever... But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you! Little Kid: You stink LOSER!
Man: Happy New Year! (Man steals bike)
Fry: It's the future, my parents, my co-workers, my girlfriend, I'll never see any of them ever again..... YAHOOO!
Scientist: Welcome to the year of Tomorrow! Other Scientist: Why do you always have to say it that way? Scientist: Haven't you ever heard of anything called showmanship? Come your destiny awaits! Other Scientist: Have a nice future.
Fry: Can I ask you a question? Leela: As long as it's not about my eye. Fry: Uhhhhhh. Leela: Is it about my eye? Fry: Sort of. Leela: Just ask the question. Fry: What's with the eye? Leela: I'm an alien allright, let's drop the subject. Fry: Cool an alien. Has your race taken over the Earth? Leela: No, I just work here.
Leela: At least here you'll be treated with dignity, now strip naked and get on the probulator.
Fry: What if I refuse? Leela: Then you'll be fired. Fry: Fine! Leela: Out of a cannon into the sun!
Leela: Hold still Damn it, I don't have good depth perception!
Fry: Wow a real life robot! Or is that some kind of cheesy New Year's costume? Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass! Fry: It doesn't look that shiny to me... Bender: Shinier than yours Meatbag!
Bender: Listen buddy I'm in a hurry here. Let's try for a 2fer. Suicide Booth: Please select mode of death. Quick and painless or slow and horrible. Fry: Yes I'd like to make a collect call. Suicide Booth: You have selected slow and horrible. Bender: Good choice. Bring it on baby! (Knife pops out)Suicide Booth: You are now dead! Thank you for using Stop and Drop. America's favorite since 2008.
(Leela Pops out of Cyogenic chamber)
Scientist: Welcome to the world of tomorrow! Leela: Shut up Terry!
(Leela in talk with boss)
Boss: Well that's your job whether you like it or not. And it's my job to make you do your job whether I like it or not, which I do VERY MUCH! NOW GET TO WORK! Leela: 'Sigh' Boss: Life is good.
Fry: Why would a robot need to drink? Bender: I don't need to drink, I can quit anytime I want!
Fry: Wait you're the only friend I have... Bender: You really want a robot for a friend? Fry: Yeah ever since I was six. Bender: Well, ok but I don't want people thinking we're robosexuals, so if anyone asks you're my debugger.
Leela: This is officer 1BDI requesting backup. (Just around the corner) Cops: We'll be there in five minutes.
(To Leonard Nemoy's head)
Fry: Spock, hey, hey do the thing!(makes hand motion) Leonard: I'm sorry, I don't do that anymore.
(Richard Nixon bites and holds onto Fry's arm) Fry: Ow ow ow ow ow. Stop boy, bad president.
Human Cop: All right buddy step away from the head. Robot Cop: I'm going to get 24th century on his ass!
Human Cop: Keep your big nose out of this, Eyeball! Leela: NO one makes fun of nose! (Leela pulls out a can of whoop ass!) Robot Cop: Damn!
Bender: Dream on skintube!
Fry: Who cares what your program says! If someone programmed you to jump off a bridge, would you do it? Bender: I'll have to check my program.... Yup. Fry: C'mon Bender it's upto you to make your own decisions in life. That's what separates people and robots from animals... and animal robots. Bender: You're full of crap Fry! (Bender breaks light and gets shocked) You make a persuasive argument Fry!
Bender: You were right Fry. From now I'm going to bend what I want, when I want, who I want. I'm UNSTOPPABLE!
Leela: Wait! Bender: No thanks.
Fry: Good lord, what is this? Bender: It's the decaying ruins of old New York. Welcome home pal!
Fry: It's my old neighborhood. Man this brings back a lot of memories. Bender: Keep 'em to yourself pops.
Fry: Everyone I ever knew or cared about is gone. (Pointing at Leela) Bender: Look there's someone you know.
Leela: Hey, he stole my ring. Bender: Sorry. Well that solves the mystery of the missing ring. This calls for a drink.
Fry: Correction we're unemployed but we have a dottering old relative to mooch off of.
Fry: I'm you're dear old uncle Fry. Farnsworth: I don't have an uncle Fry. Bender: You do now!
Farnsworth: I am your nephew! This is absolutely incredible! Bender: Can we have some money? Farnsworth: Oh my, no.
Farnsworth: Let me show you around. That's my lab table and this is my workstool. And over there is my intergalactic spaceship. And here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.
Fry: Woh a real live spaceship. Farnsworth: I designed it myself, let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.
Leela: Can't we get away in the ship? Farnsworth: I suppose it is technically possible, although I am already in my pajamas.
Fry: I'll get us out of here! Farnsworth: Can anyone drive stick? Leela: I can, as long as I don't have to paralell park.
Robot Cop: If they try to take off, give 'em an ass-full of lazer.
Farnsworth: Are you three by any chance interested in becoming my new spaceship crew. Bender: New crew? well, what happened to the old crew? Farnsworth: Oh those poor sons of b..b. but that's not important. The important thing is I need a new crew. Anyone interested?
Fry: This is awsome! Are we gonna fly through space, fighting monsters, and teaching alien women to love? Farnsworth: If by that you mean transport cargo. Then yes. It's a little home business I started to fund my research. Fry: Cool, what's my job gonna be? Farnsworth: You'll be responsible for insuring the cargo reaches it's destination. Fry: So I'm gonna be a.. deliveryboy? Farnsworth: Exactly. Fry: ....Allright! I'm a deliveryboy!
THE END!
written by Nick Cates
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